Balthazar Thazi Sterling: The Royal Flush
by SuperMutantSam
Summary: Balthazar Sterling was a street magician, desperate to make a profit doing the one thing he loved. Keyword being was. Now, after being approached by one of the world's greatest heroes, Balthazar has become a member of the Justice League's new covert ops squad. He will make new friends, discover new enemies, and reunite with some of each. All under his new name: The Royal Flush.
1. Balthazar Thazi Sterling

**Gotham City**

 **July 6, 15:02 EDT**

Gotham is less lively than I originally assumed. I never thought that I'd get the gothic equivalent of Times Square or anything, but I figured that I would've gotten at least _someone_ to take a seat by now. I grow more impatient with each passing second, the uncomfortableness of the folding chair underneath me following close behind. The vacancy of the identical seat across from me and the empty space filling the top hat in-between us both do nothing to help. I start to lose sensation in my right foot, as I've been repeatedly tapping it against the ground for the past quarter hour or so just waiting for some schmuck to come around the corner. And even then, I'd have to worry about convincing them to cough up a few bucks so I can-

"Dad, I'm telling you, escorting me isn't necessary. I'm -"

Praise be whichever deity has blessed me on this day.

"And I'm telling _you_ that this is gonna be how it is until you can drive a car."

I frantically reach inside my trench coat and take out a deck of playing cards, and begin to work my magic. So to speak, anyways.

"You _mean_ that this is how it's going to be until you can get your car back from the shop."

I glance down the sidewalk to my left from the opening to the alleyway behind me. Let's hope I've found my mark. My hands move almost as if they were well-oiled machines, deftly shuffling the deck over, and over again. Riffle shuffle, Strip shuffle, Hindu shuffle, back to Strip, on to Mongean, so on and so forth. Just make it look real damn fancy, and remember to wear a whimsical-as- _fuck_ smile.

"Not afraid to rib your old man, 'eh?"

 _Aaaaand showtime._

"Why, excuse me: good sir and young lady?"

The two slow their steady pace to a casual halt to look upon me. Attention grabbed, good start.

"Um…yes? Can I help you?"

Non-dismissive response. Better than what you got in Central, Thazi, but don't get your hopes up just yet. Play it cool, keep up that smile, and reel these little guppies in.

"Actually, I may or may not have been hoping to assist _you two_ on this fine afternoon!"

Before they approached, I had already determined that there was a familial bond. Girl sounded young, guy sounded middle-aged, and there was the obvious signifier of his apparent designation of, "dad." The two don't share much in the way of physical appearance, as the man had a solid brown colorization to his hair, moustache, and eyes, while the daughter had auburn down to her shoulders that allowed her two blues to stand out.

"I'm sorry, what?"

Don't lose them now, Thazi. The girl's looking at you funny. She's quiet, but also throwing a subtle glance at your hands; your shuffling. _She's interested, use it._

"Well, I simply wish to throw a wee bit of whimsy into day, is all. Everyone needs a bit of _magic_ in their lives, amiright?"

Show off them pearly whites, increase intensity of shuffling. Move on to Dynamo flourish; they always _fucking love_ the Dynamo flourish. Girl's let go of the subtlety, and is openly staring at my hands. That's right, lass, take the bait.

"Thanks, but I think we're fine. "

He starts walking away. Fuck, fuck, no, c'mon, turn back-

"W-Wait, hold up!"

 _Oh, thank God_. The girl stopped him from bailing.

"Barbara, we should get going."

"C'mon, dad! It's not like he's gonna do anything! And you owe me for embarrassing me in front of Dick at school!"

Yeah, c'mon, pops; don't spoil Barbara's day any further. I mean, c'mon: you made her look bad in front of _Dick?_ **The** Dick? You owe her, big guy. So just bite right onto that bait, and…

"Alright, alright."

Hook, line, and sinker!

"Thanks, dad!"

Can't tell if she's grateful that she gets to watch me do shit with cards, or just prideful that she managed to get her father to do something. Don't exactly _care_ , either.

"Wonderful, wonderful! Please, just take a seat there."

Barbara sits down across from me, a toothy grin gracing her youthful features. She waits attentively for me to begin.

Time to bring the magic, mother **fuckers**.

"At the risk of sounding cliché," I stop shuffling and remove five cards, displaying them face-down, "I'm gonna have to ask you to take a card."

She takes the center card, and is about to flip it face-up.

"Hold on, there!" she flinches slightly at my outburst, "Don't show it to me just yet. I only need you to do two things for me first. That alright with you, miss?"

"S-Sure, right, fine." _Aw_ , is that a wee blush I se- _focus, Thazi_.

"Firstly, I'll request that you look at that card and memorize it."

She follows my instructions to the letter.

"Got it down?"

She looks up from the card and nods in confirmation.

"Splendid! Now, last, but certainly not least, I would ask that you fold that card as many times as possible, then throw it into this hat right here."

I point down at the hat placed between us. She manages to bend the card over itself about four times –although upon the fourth the card was so taut that it refused to stay bent entirely- before dropping it into the hat. "Wonderful! You have done mag _nificently_ , if I may be permitted to say so!" Her once faint blush darkens somewhat. Even I'm starting to warm up in the cheeks because _goddammit she's just so cute_ **–** **eyes on the prize, Thazi.** "Now," I draw a single card from my other hand at random, and show it to her, "would this so happen to be your card?" Her smile falters as she looks upon the card's face.

"U-Um…no?"

"Truly?"

I fake a convincingly confused expression as I turn the card to face myself this time. _7 of Hearts_ ; not her card.

"Ah, I see that we've had a mix-up. Hold on a moment, would you?"

I reach down and put my hand into the hat. I pretend to fiddle around inside as Barbara becomes more confused with my actions.

"Uh, w-what're you-?"

" _Ah_ , here we are!"

I take my hand out of the hat, and behold _five_ separate cards. Barbara's interest is more peaked than ever. _Where did he get those cards? Besides the one card I threw in, the hat was empty, right?_

"Now that _that_ little hurtle has been gracefully tackled," without looking at any of the five cards, I show them to Barbara, "are any of these your card?"

 _Gotcha._

Barbara let's out a surprised gasp of astonishment. All five of those cards are an Ace of Clubs; the same card as she had original drawn.

"Oh, my gosh!" She's laughs inspite of herself, most likely due to her not knowing how to properly express her shock.

"Wo _hohow_!" Ah, the man of the hour finally chimes in. He was silent throughout the process of setting Barbara up for my little trick, but I supposed that even he was a little impressed by the outcome.

"Thank you, thank you; you are both far too kind!"

I perform a mock bow from my seated position, both Barbara and her father clapping for me.

"H-How did you-?"

I cut her off with a wagging finger.

" _Ah, ah, ah._ You know how we magicians are with revealing our tricks."

Y'know, I _almost_ feel a pang of guilt for asking for compensation, _buuut…_

"Um, sir? If you would please? Even magic-men need to eat every now-and-then."

I gesture to the hat at my feet as I address the man.

"Oh, sure, why not?"

He goes for his pocket and pulls out his wallet, taking out a ten-dollar bill from inside and throwing it into the hat.

"Once again, you have my thanks. I only hope that I managed to bring a little bit of magic into your day!"

"Well, you certainly achieved that much!"

Barbara's giddiness has calmed somewhat, but her smile has remained constant.

"Alright, Barbara; we should probably hit the road."

"Right, right."

"The Magnificent **Balthazar Sterling** hopes that we may cross paths in the future, Miss…?"

"Gordon. But please, call me Barbara."

So, keep doing what I've been doing in my head, but out loud? Got it.

"Alright then, Barbara; may we meet again at a future juncture."

I wink at her, which finally seems to break down her aversion to showing off her blushing face. She waves back at me as she walks off to catch up to her father.

I sigh in satisfaction with myself over _fucking finally_ being able to turn a profit today.

A profit of ten US dollars.

The economic equivalent of, like, four microwave dinners. _And I don't even own a fucking microwave._

And my satisfaction is now void.

With my newly achieved bitterness fully realized –thanks, pessimism-, I rise from my chair and take the donation out of my hat. Now, all I've gotta do is buy myself more cheap-ass junk food so I can quell the stomach pains for the night just so I can sleep for over three hours. Hell, **maybe even four.**

I turn around to walk down the alleyway while I consider- ** _ohmyfuck!_**

"Balthazar Sterling. I'd like to talk."

 _ **Oh shit. That's fucking Batman.**_

You need to say something, Thazi. This is _Batman_. _The_ Batman! Justice Leaguer, Batman. Gotham's resident superhero, Batman. The dark knight, Batman! And he apparently hopes to speak with **you.** Any other person can count on their fingers the number of times a freaking veteran of war would want to speak with them. The same people would probably have trouble naming the amount of _dreams_ they've had with superheroes wanting to associate with us mere mortals. Point is: show. Him. What. You. **Got!**

"U-Um… Okay?"

 **Well** ** _fucking_** **done!**

He takes a few steps forward _holy shit even his walk is intimidating_ and raises his right arm. He presses a few buttons on it -can't see, obscured from view- before a projection protrudes from the glove to… _Project_ itself in front of me.

It appears to be displaying camera footage from an alley somewhere. The footage is sped up extremely until it comes to an abrupt stop at a point where a man in a brown trench coat his taken a seat on a metal folding- **oh fuck that's me.**

Shit, this must've been… _four_ months ago? Yep; March, according to the date in the corner. I believe this was… Star City? Kinda hard to remember a city you only lived in for a few days. Had to bail after another dead end and made my way to Metropolis. Come to think of it, didn't I leave while still on the job?

Well, as, "on the job," as a guy desperately seeking the attention and pocket change of passersby in exchange for magic tricks can be.

Yeah, I think I was. I remember being frustrated as shit, due to nobody at _least_ patronizing the starving teenager for a spell, and just getting up from my chair and **-** ** _shiiiit._**

That… Was filmed. Batman is showing me a video of myself conjuring up a big ass playing card out of fucking _nowhere,_ standing on top of it, and flying up like a some kinda airborne surfboard into the sky.

Real smooth, Thazi. Couldn't just take the bus, oh no; you had to get out _right that second._ Nice one, dumbass.

"This is you."

That wasn't a question. He can clearly see that it is indeed me riding on top of that card, he doesn't need me to confirm jack.

"Y-Yeah?" Okay, just take a breath, Thazi.

"This," he switches the video to a different recording, "is _also_ you."

 _This_ video shows me in - where and when? Corner says April, so must be in Metropolis - _yet another_ alleyway, again, sitting in a foldable chair. It's considerably later at night than I would usually permit myself to stay outside during, but by some miraculous leap in logic I assumed that Metropolis was just naturally crime free due to its protection by what is essentially a God from space.

Oh fuck, I remember this.

Late at night, only a few customers - would they be called customers to street performers? Don't know, haven't attended any of our meetings to discuss the issue with the homeless guitarists and the gold guys that stand still - that day, getting tired, decide to find cheapest motel possible.

Grab hat containing money, turn head slightly to the right, _eat gads! A street thug with knife!_

I'm irritated due to low earnings and lack of sleep the last few nights, and don't wanna lose my cash. Decide _not_ to break for it into well-lit street, screaming, ' ** _Rape!'_** at the top of my lungs, opt to handle the fucker myself. Guy's a bit of an asshole, too, so fuck it; _card_ 'im.

The video-me snaps his fingers and a single playing card appears in between them. The thug is confused, but still demands for my shit.

 _What shit?,_ I believe I thought to myself.

I give a smirk - video doesn't show that; I just remember that because I thought it was cool - and prepare to throw. Video-me's arm snaps towards the mugger as the card as quickly released, sending the card flying straight towards his chest. The card flies fast and straight, more so than one would expect a piece of glorified paper to be capable of being thrown. It strikes him in the chest, sending him sprawling onto his back a few feet away.

 _Damn,_ I'm good.

Video-me looks at him for a second. I tried to make it a non-lethal shot, and it looked like there was no _external_ bleeding at least, so I considered it a job well done. Grab my cash, flick the dude's unconscious figure off, walk out of frame.

Ah, memories.

 **Shit, wait.** Why is _Batman_ showing me this?

Is he gonna **arrest** me? **Attack** me? He's done neither, but at the same time nothing else besides turn the little hologram-thing off, so… Fuck it, just ask him.

"Do you… You _want_ _something_ from me?"

Way to make it sound as rapey as possible, Thazi ol' boy.

"No. I want to offer _you_ something."

"I… Don't really… Um, I don't understand."

I _think_ he squints at that. Cowl covers his eyes, so can't make assumptions, but hey: I'd probably do it too.

"I have been monitoring your movements for the past month."

And suddenly, I feel immense concern. Can't imagine why.

"You have potential. Your talents are metahuman grade, yet you use them to live as a street performer. Why?"

"I guess… Because I want to? No one else can do it, far as I can tell, so why not capitalize? Become a magician, or something? L-Like that Zatara guy. And I had to start somewhere, so… Yeah."

And I was a regular Casanova with that red-head about half an hour ago, so this is even more embarrassing of a display.

Batman -wait, is it disrespectful to call him that? Wait, what else would I call him? Stupid question- seems to ponder my explanation for a moment.

"If that is what you wish to achieve in life, that is your choice."  
Um… Thanks, Batman? Glad to hear it?

"However," ah, that makes more sense, "I do have an alternative that I believe would suit you better."

Is… Is Batman offering me a job?

"Which would be…?"

"To work for the Justice League."

 **Okaywhat.**

"Be-Become a _Leaguer?_ S-Sir, I-"

"No, not a member of the League. You're not experienced enough, not to mention old enough, to reach that goal."

"Then what _are_ _you_ offering me?"

"That information is not an appropriate subject to be sharing in public. If you accept the offer, we can discuss it further. Just know that you will be working intimately with the Justice League and its associates on our regular affairs."

Thazi... You _need to think_. **Hard.** Harder than you've thought about anything in your entire life. You have been given the chance to become a _superhero_. At _sixteen_.

Granted, I think that Robin guy's, like, in his mid-teens at most, so _-not important._

What does being a superhero even mean? I mean, I've seen the news; fight supervillains, save innocents, be praised by the masses for your heroism. But that would also entail the inclusion of the first thing: fighting bad guys.

It isn't like I can't fight shit; I've taken down my fair share of brutish thugs, and mom -God rest her soul- taught me a wee bit more about how to use cards than regular ol' shuffling techniques.

It's more so the insinuation that I'd be fighting guys that are a few ticks above, "Hooded Gentlemen with Knifes and Maybe Guns Sometimes." Like, just yesterday, even: some science lab in D.C. blew up, and the entire damned League showed up to check out the rubble. Anyone perceptive enough to realize that the more Leaguers there are in one place, the worse the situation must be, should be able to figure out that having _all of them_ show up means that Hell itself must've cracked open and blown the place sky-high.

Point is: I'd have to deal with _that_ crazy bullshit, and varieties thereof.

Then again… I _am_ poor. And from what I've seen, the Leaguers seem well off. They have must provide the bare necessities, right?

 _But…_ I don't even know what the specifics are yet. Asking's a bust; Batman's being cautious and shit, so he can't share further.

…Balthazar Sterling: this decision… Is probably final. This might determine your entire future from this point onwards. So; what is it? Stay on the streets and hopefully become a successful magician with an inspirational biography, or -and it will _never_ be weird to think this non-facetiously- become a superhero?

"…will there be a bed and decent food?"

"Your basic amenities will be provided for, and anything beyond that will be up to you."

Superhero it is, then.


	2. The Royal Flush

**Gotham City**

 **July 7, 8:07 EDT**

Breakfast was nice. Blueberry pancakes; felt like a slab of fruit and sugar was fucking my taste buds.

I also got to sleep on a mattress. A _clean_ mattress.

This hero gig is already flaunting its perks in my face to distract from all the inevitable bad shit and I don't even care.

Speaking of the hero gig…

"Say, uh, Mister Batman," the fuck? What are you, twelve? "why are we in this dark cave, no offense, instead of the Hall of Justice?"

And I really don't mean offense. I may be one for the flashier things in life, time spent in total poverty notwithstanding, but it's not like I wanna knock down any friendly caves dwellers down a peg. You want a hole in the earth, I want a giant-ass monument to my heroism that I can also watch TV in. Nobody's gotta be at odds with each other here.

Then again, it looks like Batman's found a fair middle ground. This cave's got the kind of tech I could only lie about understanding. And can you _see_ those monitors? I have no idea what they do, but… They're big, I guess.

Ever the insightful one, Thazi.

"We needed to pick something up before going the Team's base of operations."

"Is that what we're gonna be called?" 'The Team?'"

"Officially, yes."

Seriously? Kinda figured someone named Batman could've thought of something a bit more creative.

… Maybe _I_ should think of one?

Hell, why not? Batman's busy typing on some monitor or whatever next to this pod-thing, so I have brain cells to spare at the moment.

Let's see… He's already mentioned that we'd consist of a bunch of sidekicks, minus me and a couple of outliers – none of whom I've had the pleasure of meeting – so… The Juniors?

Wow, that doesn't even sound good in my head.

The 'Kicks?

The Super Gang?

The Bootleg Justice League?

The Youth Brigade?

 _Oh fuck,_ I've got it! Young-!

"Balthazar."

And the train of thought has been derailed. Damn it all, now I can't remember our new-but-not-really-new-since-we-haven't-been-formed-yet name.

Ah, well. I'm sure it would've sounded retarded, anyways.

"Oh, sorry, what now?"

"I want to show you something."

"Well, if it tastes and smells like heaven and blueberries, show away."

I **swear** I can see his mouth twitch _just slightly upwards_ before turning back around and pressing one last button on that monitor. I hear a beep not a second later, and the giant pod next to him begins to open. I look inside, and _oh hello erection for cool shit how are you this morning?_

I am… Damn, I actually want a mirror so I can see what I look like right now. I'd assume I appear fairly amusing, what with what feels like a dopey grin stretching my face.

That's my suit. **_And it looks awesome._**

I… Where do I even start?!

Black, red, and white; a true magician's favorite colors in the world.

The white dominates most of the outfit, covering the legs, arms, torso, and mask. Most everything else - the gloves, boots, belt, and head – is painted black. The colorless mask is _beautifully_ framed by the black covering the rest of the head, neck, and jaw.

And the _cape._ Good **God,** that fucking cape.

It's a **_wonderful_** shade of crimson red, covering the collar bone and shoulders before cascading down the back side and stopping at knee-level. And to top it all off, it has a high collar that reaches _just below_ where my ears would be, allowing me to pull off both magician and Dracula simultaneously!

But _oh_ , the crème da la crème? The insignia.

It is no more complex than a white spade inside of a red circle, placed dead center on the costume's chest, but it just really brings the whole thing together.

I should be concerned and slightly creeped out about how exactly Batman got my measurements for this thing, but fuck it I don't care **_let me feel this thing on my body._**

"T-That's for me, right?!"

"Yes. It was specially commissioned for whenever I saw fit to bring you into our fold."

"Can I try it on?!"

He merely nods and walks away to do **I don't care** ** _costume._**

 **Gotham City**

 **July 7, 8:17**

Okay, that… Might've taken a bit longer than expected.

I turn to look at Alfred, Batman's _butler_ – the guy has his own personal jet, how could he _not_ have a butler - , and smile.

"Thank you for your assistance, Mister Pennyworth. I swear, he makes wearing this look way easier than it actually is."

He openly smirks ay me. Good to know that not everyone in Batman's little club is emotionally ambiguous.

"It is my pleasure, Master Sterling. And please, call me Alfred. I insist."

I grin and nod in response before turning to inspect myself over in a nearby mirror.

 _Damn,_ I'm hot.

I mean, I may be a bit biased in that assessment, but shut up logic I'm right.

There are two details that I can only see now that I am wearing the mask. Similarly to Batman, the eyes made a pure white to further conceal the wearer's identity.

That or it just looks cool. Effective either way.

And somewhat creepily, the mask is skin-tight around my mouth and face, allowing for my lips to _move with_ the mask.

Makes me look like some vacant-eyed mime that forgot his lipstick and eye shadow.

And by that, I mean it makes me look even more fuckable.

I flip my hand and a playing card appears between my thumb, and my middle and index fingers.

Good, doesn't hamper the cards at all. That would've made crime fighting a bit difficult, honestly.

… A thought occurs.

What am I going to be called?

Did Batman think up a name for me?

With prior knowledge of his naming of the League's covert ops squad, I can only surmise that he would name me, "The Operative," or something else as disappointingly boring.

Yeah, I should just stick with one of my ideas.

I need to pick something… **Bold.** Something that catches your attention. It needs to sound _dashing,_ while also making it clear who I am. The rest of those hero types got it down.

The Flash, Superman, Batman, Green Arrow – bit on the nose, but still - , Aquaman. And hell, even those sidekicks have it down pat.

Wait, but aren't two of them just the names of their mentors but with an added word to indicate youth?

And isn't that one archer kid named Speedy, which makes it kinda confusing when he and Mini-Flash or whoever are in the same roo-you're getting off topic, Thazi.

At least that one Robin kid has a unique name, and didn't just go with, "Batboy," or something. Maybe I should ask him? Oh, better yet…

"Hey, Alfred?"

"Yes, Master Sterling?"

Responsive bastard, isn't he? Guess a butler would have to be.

"How did Batman think of Robin's name? Or, did Robin himself think it up?"

"I do believe that it was the latter, sir. The name held sentimental value to the young Master."

"How so?"

"Batman has opted to withhold the young Master's identity until he has given his consent for him to do so, and thus delving further into the topic would defy his request."

"Has he not given him permission because he just doesn't want me to know, or…?"

"Currently, the young Master is unaware of your existence," _oooh,_ I get to make my own entrance? _Sweeet,_ "however it is possible that he may decide to withhold is identity regardless."

Wait, seriously? "Wouldn't that make working together a bit difficult? Or at least really awkward?"

"Most likely, yes. Batman has said that he would most likely concede if he were to make such a decision, even if his stubbornness holds out initially."

Well, guess I should prepare for the worst, then.

I nod. "Thank you for the information, Alfred."

"It is my pleasure, Master Sterling."

"Please, Alfred; I know that we're gonna have this sorta master-butler thing going on, but Thazi is totally fine."

"As you wish, _Master_ Thazi." He smirks.

Cocky bastard, I love ya.

I shake my head with a widened smile as I turn back around to the mirror. Back on track.

Sentimental value… That's not all to helpful, now that I think about it.

What, should I just name myself, 'Thazi?' Mom used to call me that, and I call myself that all the time, so maybe that would work?

No, that's fucking stupid. I mean, I'm not exactly concerned about a secret identity or anything, but I _do_ plan to make something else out of the name, 'Balthazar Sterling,' someday, and I'd think that some people would draw at least a _bit_ of a connection with the magic card hero Thazi and the cardist magician Balthazar.

Although, I'd assume that my best shot would be drawing inspiration from the most obvious source imaginable: the cards.

Cards, cards, cards… Uh, this guy I knew, when I was a kid, Sandy, I called him; he taught me how to gamble, basically. Well, not to _gamble_ , per say, but everything about every card game, every shuffling technique, every tactic to maintain composure so you can hide whatever packet you've got in your grip, _he_ taught me.

If the guy didn't turn out to be an asshole, I'd be smiling at the memory of spending time with him. Now I'm just imagining what Sanderson Hawkins would look like with a playing card jammed down his thr **-superhero now,** Thazi.

But it's not like I can just ignore the roughly two years I've been alive due to what he taught me. It's shitty work, but street performing keeps a kid fed, for the most part.

Fuck, stop thinking about your shitty friends. Get back to the stupid card names.

How about… The Spade? The costumes got a white spade on it, so it's not like it _wouldn't_ fit… Nah, not that. Got no flare to it.

Ace? Or King?... Maybe not those, but maybe…

Ace, King… Jack, Queen, T-oh shit, I've got it!

 ** _The Royal-_**

 **Mount Justice**

 **July 8, 7:47 EDT**

Sybil cut, scissors cut, charlier cut, revolution, Andrei Jikh's Bullet flourish, bored, bored, bored, bored…

Y'know, when Batman mentioned that our base would called, "Mount Justice," I didn't think that we'd be operating out of a literal mountain. And apparently, this used to be the League's hideout before the Hall, and it's been out of commission ever since the fucking Joker found it and blew it to shit, implying that he still knows where it is and could, at any time, just have some of his metahuman criminal pals stop by and brings it down on top of our heads.

At least the beach is kinda nice.

Don't really know what to make of Happy Harbor, surprisingly. In general, understanding any city doesn't take much effort on my part.

When you travel as much as I've been forced to, you get to learn a lot about what makes places special. New York's overcrowded and loud, Albuquerque is hot and has a big drug problem, Star City's full of cheapskate assholes and super criminals, etc.. But Happy Harbor is just… So _mundane._ Besides the aforementioned Joker story, I couldn't find a single notable event with any of this hero business thrown into the mix. No native heroes, no villain attacks, no alien sightings that turn into alien attacks, no **nothing.** This place is just… Normal.

And I never thought I'd say this, but God help me if I've ever wanted something more exciting in my life. In an effort to keep my brain from shutting down out of sheer boredom, I've been absentmindedly doing card tricks ever since we used that Boom tube thing – which are both awesome and strangely monotonous, by the way - to get here.

I've been practicing flourishes and cuts on the beach for the past half hour, and I've never before wanted to _blow my fu-_

"E-Excuse me?"

I jump as I hear a soft voice stutter from behind me. I turn my head to see ** _-green person._**

Behind her I can see Batman talking with green person number tw-holy shit is that Martian Manhunter?

Oh my fuck, that's Martian Manhunter.

Man, Leaguers look _way_ creepier in real life than they do on TV. What ever happened to appearing open and approachable? I mean, granted, the most, "presentable," look I've had available is a pair of black khakis, a red dress shirt, and a brown trench coat that either screams, "I'm a drug dealer," or, "I'm about to flash you my nuts," so I'm not exactly one to talk, but at least I make an _attempt._

Is this whole tirade about his look technically racist? 'Cause it feels a little racist.

Anyways, back to green girl.

I'm going to assume that she's somehow related to the Manhunter in some fashion, what with the similar clothing and green skin.

That again sounds vaguely racist, but moving on…

She's… Cute.

That Martian girl over there is cute... Sentences like that are what let me know that this job is going to be very interesting.

Okay, **so!** Cute Martian girl. This'll be an experience.

"Hello there. To whom do I owe the pleasure?"

"I'm M'gann, but you can call me Megan. Oh, or Miss Martian, I guess. My uncle, J'onn," she points over to the Manhunter. Familial connection, called it, "said that I could use it for when I'm working on the team!"

My God, she's adorable.

"Do you have a preference?"

"Not really, any should work just fine."

"M'gann it is, then."

She smiles at me before her eyes trail off to look down at my ** _-whoa now a bit forward don'tcha thi-_**

"If you don't mind me asking, what is that?"

 ** _Oh that's just my most treasured organ_** -oh wait, she's looking at my hand.

Oh crap, I'm still doing cuts in my hand, aren't I? Was so invested in something _actually happening_ that I must've forgotten I was even doing it.

Ah, well. Might as well make a show out of it, 'cause I'm an opportunistic asshole.

"What, this?" I look down to the hand in mock confusion and raise the hand to display to her, not pausing in my shuffling. "These are just some of my playing cards."

She looks closer at the packet in my hand, _mesmerized_ by the mere movement of the cards. Revolution, scissors, scissors, one more scissors, revolution.

"But what are you doing with them?"

I smirk. Oh, _this_ will be fun. And hell, I don't even need to hide anything behind the whole parlor tricks gimmick; I can just show her the magic that is **_me._**

"Well," with a flick of my wrist, the cards in my hand disappear, causing her to widen her eyes in astonishment, "it's just a bit of my own, personal magic is all. For example, you Martians have you flight and your shapeshifting, while I," I jump off of the ground as I snap my fingers, resulting in me landing on top of one of my giant, flying cards, "have _cardistry._ "

She looks down at the floating card I am standing upon with a look of wonder. _Yeeees, yeeees, give yourself up to the majesty._

"That's amazing!" She laughs the most adorable-ass laugh I've ever heard.

Am I developing a thing for red-heads?

"Thank you, thank you, you're too kind." I bend my right arm over my chest and my left behind my back in a bow. "But if you think that _that's_ amazing," is flick my wrist and three cards appear in my grip, "why not see something truly _spectacular?_ "

She suddenly stops laughing and looks focus her attention on seemingly nothing before turning to look at the Manhunter. I dissipate the card under me before bending my knees slightly to soften my fall.

"Coming, Uncle J'onn!"

Oh, shit, right, Martians are telepathic.

 ** _Fuck did she hear all that shit about my di-_**

"Come on!" she grabs my hand with a smile and pulls me after her as she runs to return to her uncle.

Good lord, is this gonna be an experience.

 **Mount Justice**

 **July 8, 8:04 EDT**

"Recognized: Martian Manhunter, zero seven; Miss Martian, bee zero five; Royal F-"

I'm sorry, but where's my, "The?" Was I not clear in the crucial nature of the **_The_** in **_The Royal Fl-_**

"-bee zero six."

I force myself to put aside that minor complaint in favor of- ** _good God_** , that's a lot of superheroes.

Not counting Manhunter and Bats, there's gotta be seven Leaguers here: Black _fucking_ Canary, Hawk- _fucking-_ man, Red _fucking_ Tornado, Aquaman, The _fucking_ Flash, and Captain _fucking_ Marvel-holy **fuck** , this is a bit overwhelming.

I can also see four others, whom I am to assume are those I will be treating as my new teammates.

It's… Kinda hard to tell who each of them are.

I mean, I know the Team's roster – the three sidekicks, me, M'gann, and some other newbie – but since none of them are in costume it's a bit of a challenge to guess who each of them is supposed to be.

Okay, what do you remember from all those news broadcasts, Thazi?

 _The Martians are going to take all our jobs._

But seriously, I can remember some things: there was this one live feed a few days ago of Pearl Harbor being attacked by some crazy bitch named Killer Frost. Aquaman and Aqua _lad_ went in to stop here, which they promptly did. If I'm not mistaken, Aqualad himself was the one that took her down. If memory serves, he had dark skin and blond hair, presumably bleached.

O-Okay, third time today, slightly racist comment. Might need to look into that.

Anyways, what else? Well, from everything I've seen of the Boy Wonder himself, Robin is… Vertically challenge, let's say. Still doesn't look half-bad for a thirteen-year old, though. I am left to assume that the shortest kid in the room has to also be the bird kid.

Finally, my time in Central lent me a few choice experiences where I bared witness to the speedster duo's exploits, and thus was able to see that Kid Flash had his ginger hair poking out of his mask-cowl-thing. So unless M'gann has been keeping secrets from ol' Thazi, he'd have to be the only red-head kid in the room.

And then I see the fourth guy, whom I've never heard of in any capacity. Guess he's our third newbie.

Wow; all that, and just from the shit I've seen on TV.

As me, M'gann, and Manhunter walk closer to the group, I can start to hear them conversing.

"And the six of you will be that team."

 _Ooooh_ , introductions?

"Co _hool_!" I believe that came from the short-stack. "Wait, six?"

Batman answers him by looking over their shoulders to the three of us. The four of them to turn to face us as we walk up to greet them.

"This is the Martian Manhunter's niece; Miss Martian."

M'gann waves to them. "H-Hi."

 ** _Must resist urge to audibly squeal._**

"And this is a recent arrival to our line of work; Royal F-"

 **The** , goddammit.

"I'm liking this gig more every minute." Aw, thanks, man. Now I'm a bit sorry I called you a ginger. He walks up to M'gann. "Ah, welcome aboard! I'm Kid Flash!" I am great at _Guess Who?_ apparently. "That's Robin," he points to Robin. Point goes to Thazi, "Aqualad." gestures to Aqualad. Hat trick. "It's cool if you forget their names."

"I'm honored to be included."

Might as well join in now.

"Aw, and here I thought that you were just excited to meet a master magician." They all shift their attention to me. "Now I just feel lonely."

Robin snickers. "Ah, don't mind him," he points to Kid Flash, "he's just anything but _whelmed_ at the sight of you two."

"Rob!"

I smile. Comradery at its finest.

"Welcome to our little world." Robin addresses me.

The three of them walk up to meet us proper.

"Hey, Superboy!" he turns to wave at Superboy – Superman's got one of them now? - , "Come meet Miss M and RF!"

"I prefer _The_ RF, if you please."

I see Aqualad raise an eyebrow at me before giving an amused grin. Superboy then walks up to M'gann.

M'gann's clothes then begin to shift – guess Martian clothes can do that? – to retract the blue cape entirely while the white changes to a black to match Superboy's shirt.

"I like your T-shirt."

Superboy looks up from her new shirt to give the smallest smile I think I've ever seen.

 ** _Back off fucker, I called dibs._**

Nah, I don't really give a shit. Relationships-schmelationships, as long as I'm rich.

Oh, wait, I'm not _getting_ paid.

Meh. Food, water, and shelter should do.

"Today is the day." Aqualad decided to speak up. I presume he just said something that was fairly meaningful to him and his friends.

I have no idea what the fuck he's talking about, but I'm sure it's all wholesome and shit.

So… This is it. My life now. One of six super-teens underneath a mountain, waiting for the moment when some guy dressed as a Bat will come and tell us to go and stop crime.

Sounds kinda dumb when I phrase it like that, but I'm sure I'll have fun. As long as I don't die too soon, that is.

"So," Robin walks in front of me, "why'd you go with _The_ Royal-?"

Despite your sarcasm, I appreciate the use of my full title.

Why did I choose my name… Well, there's only one way to answer that, now isn't there?"

"If you want an answer, I'm going to have to risk sounding cliché," I flick my wrist, and five cards appear faced down in my grip in front of him, "and ask you to pick a card."

 _Aaaaand showtime!_


	3. The Rookies' Mistakes

**Mount Justice**

 **July 18, 11:29 EDT**

Green Arrow's got some fucking weird arrows. Boxing glove, expanding putty-stuff that hardens real fast, _boomerang_ – would _love_ to hear the science around that - , sonic arrow, concussive arrow, exploding arrow, incendiary arrow; it's like the guy saw all the stuff that Batman crams into his utility belt and said to himself, "Imma do that, but put it all inside a quiver!"

Except for the boxing glove. Even Batman's got his limits.

Throughout this morning, I've been immersing myself in the terribly limited Leaguer profiles available to the Cave's – we're calling it the Cave now – databanks. Not much else going on, and I had some spare time. Originally, I planned to just research that Zatara guy, but ended up losing myself to the files of some of the League's other, somewhat more eccentric members. Currently, I've chosen to scour Green Arrow's profile.

Apparently he also had a sidekick until… two weeks ago?

 _Oh_ , shit, right! That Speedy guy! The one with the confusing name made all the more confusing whenever Kid Flash is in the room.

"Hey, Are Eff!"

Speak the devil's name, and he shall appear.

"I didn't hear a _The_ in there, Kay Eff."

Kid Flash has appeared, in his usual breakneck-pace fashion, in my new room's doorway. I close the monitor on my desk so to not distract myself from the conversation.

I'm actually glad to see the guy, as there hasn't been a single event of any substance the entire day. The first thing that I can remember since I woke up is crushing a spider that I saw crawling on the floor.

That was fucking thrilling.

I slip on my aqua Hawaiian shirt covered in pink flowers and white leaves – tacky, I know, but fuck you I was poor okay? – over my simple tank top. All that combined with my jeans make me look like I'm either on vacation all the time or too old to care anymore.

"Are you seriously still trying to get that to catch on?"  
"Honestly, no. I'm just messing with you, really."

He rolls his eyes with a slightly overdramatic groan.

"Whatever. Anyways, Kaldur told me to get you. Megan's taking us up in her cool Bio-ship thing."

Oh, that sounds fun.

Wait, who now?

"Who's, 'Kaldur,' exactly?"

He gives me a confused look before coming to some type of realization.

"Oh, it's Aqualad's real-er, first name. Kaldur'ahm is his full name."

"And he's okay with you freely giving away his supposedly secret identity without his knowledge and-or consent?"

"Hey, I don't just tell _anyone_ his name!"

"You've known me for ten days."

" _And_ you're on **The Team.** You're bound to figure it out eventually. A-And besides, it's not like he even hides it from anyone!"

"Alright, alright, I get it."

"Y-You sure?! 'Cause-!"

" **Yes.** "

"Well... Good!"

He crosses his arms and avoids further eye contact with a snarl.

Should probably get the topic back on track.

"… So… You mentioned M'gann having a ship, or something?"

His eyes widen and his arms go back down to his sides.

"Oh, right! They're probably waiting for us." He runs – at a normal human's pace, a rare occurrence for him – through the open door and into the hallway. He signals for me to follow. "On your feet, we gotta move!"

I let out a silent sigh. Guess the rest of my day will _not_ be spent reading up on random superheroes. I walk out into the hallway, and… Eh, fuck it. Only people that'll see are other super freakshows, so why not indulge myself?

I snap my fingers and casually fall backwards, plopping down on a large playing eight-by-four foot playing card. My legs dangle over the side as it hovers forwards down the hall.

God, I've missed doing this.

Do you know how often a man with cardistry powers gets to openly ride his giant-ass playing cards, instead of walking like a mere mortal, to avoid scaring the shit out of some intoxicated and possibly violent hobos? _Not fucking often._

I allow myself to relax as I lean back and prop myself up on my outstretched arms.

"Uh, dude? What's… _That?_ "

Shit, forgot most of the Team hasn't seen these yet. All Kay Eff – note to self, ask for real name – knows is that I "do cards real good".

"Oh, it's just a bit more of my own, personal magic. Why, d'ya want one?"

"Nah, I'm good, but, uh… How do you just… _Make_ that happen?"

"Magicians and their tricks, Kay Eff. Magicians and their tricks."

He scoffs.

"Oh, whatever. Probably just energy constructs, or something." He speeds up to walk ahead of me.

We eventually find our way to the elevator that, I would assume, should take us to M'gann fancy schmancy ship. I'm forced to dissipate the card before entering, as it would most likely take up a bit too much space to be comfortable.

Kay Eff presses the button to take us down, and the doors soon close.

… Kay Ef still looks a bit annoyed. Should I attempt to spark conversation he might find interest in?

"So… How's Central?"  
He shifts his attention from the door to me.

"What?"

"Oh, um, poor phrasing on my part. I lived in Central City some time ago, and haven't been out there since, so I was asking if anything interesting has happened."

He looks slightly _more_ annoyed.

"Doesn't the cave have internet?"

"Indeed, it does, and while I _have_ done some digging on recent news out of Central-"

"Well then, you should know. Nothing I can tell you that the news couldn't." His attention returns to the doors.

Okay, _don't_ engage in conversation. Got it. Please, _God,_ just let these doors open.

Fittingly enough, like the pearly gates themselves, the two doors slide open with a convenient _ding_ to inform us that we've arrived. I see the rest of the Team patiently waiting for us. Kay Eff is the first to dash, literally, towards them.

"Sorry I'm late," he points his thumb back at my approaching figure, "but card-boy over there liked taking his sweet time getting here. I swear, I was gonna start sprouting gray hairs before-"

"Kay Eff told me that Aqualad's real name was Kaldur'ahm."

If we're gonna play this game, might as well play _fair._

Kaldur glares at Kay Eff, causing his smugness to immediately drop out of embarrassment. Kaldur shakes his head before walking up to me.

"I have no issue with sharing my real name with my teammates and friends. I simply wish that **I,** " he glances back at Kay Eff before turning back to me, "could have been the one to tell you. I hope that you don't interpret my not telling you as evidence of mistrust."

"Oh, trust me. _Mistrust_ is something I am very capable of detecting. You're alright, Kaldur. Or, do you prefer the full moniker?"

"Just Kaldur will be fine."

He turns to the Team and makes his way back to them, me following close behind. I can see Robin smirk as he nudges Kay Ef tauntingly, to which Kay Eff responds with a silent, miffed glare.

The ship is…

" _Cute_. Not aerodynamic, but cute."

It is as Kay Eff says; the ship's just a small, cute orb-thing. How is this even supposed to take o-?

"It's at rest, silly. I'll wake it."

M'gann casually holds her hand out towards the ship as **-the ship is alive.**

It shifts from its unimpressive ball form, to this sc-fi movie-esque jet-thing. It spins around so that it's facing away from us before an entrance… _Slides_ out from the ship. Is M'gann using her telepathy, or telekinesis, or whatever to move the thing?

"Well? Are you coming?"

The five of us all look at each other uncertainly before Robin is the first to take a step forwards, the rest of us following suit after him.

As we enter the ship's hangar, there is initially nothing until all the ship's various consoles and seats sprout out from the floor.

Just… Just don't question it, Thazi.

"Strap in for launch."

Everyone picks their respective seats, seatbelts forming an ex across our chests as we take them.

"Cool!"

I opt to take a seat to the right of Superboy, which is _coincidentally_ the farthest seat from Kay Eff.

I should probably give the guy a wider berth until things are a little less tense.

"Red Tornado, please open the bay doors."

A verbal response is not needed, as said doors open themselves to us.

The ship takes off and partakes in what I like to call, "What can I get away with without causing everyone in the ship to become severely nauseous?" maneuvers. Eventually, she stops spinning the ship around like a _fucking madwoman_ and takes a steady flight course towards Happy Harbor.

"Incredible!"

That's… A word for it. Kay Eff lets out a sigh.

"She sure is."

I look over my shoulder to see-wow, Kay Eff. As a professional street magician, and thus a true connoisseur of the art of social interaction, I am appalled at this display of shameless unsubtlety.

And that line of thinking is probably why you're not on speaking terms with Kay-fuck off, logic.

M'gann looks over to acknowledge Kay Eff.

"I-I mean, the ship! Which, like all ships, is a she."

That a hell of a grave he's digging for himself.

"Fast with his feet, not so much with his mouth."

Wound, meet salt.

"Dude!"

M'gann merely smiles at the display. At least she's sweet enough to let the matter go.

I shift my attention to the window in front of me to catch a glimpse at the town below. Not that I've had much of a chance to see it, but Happy Harbor has already started to grow on me. Calm, serene, uneventful; all it needs is enough generous citizens to give up a little moola in exchange for a little magic, and I'll be right at home.

"I may not be psychic, but I can guess what you're thinking. You overreacted, and you don't know how to apologize. Just say sorry."

Superboy looks away from Kaldur after, presumably, to digest his advice.

Yeah, don't know what's going on there, but fuck me do I ever not want to touch it with a ten-foot pole.

I can hear some whispers from the three behind, none of which are trying very hard to be unheard, but out of respect for their presumably desired privacy I tune out their conversation.

"Hey, why not show us a little Martian shapeshifting?"

Me, Superboy, and Kaldur look behind us to see M'gann standing up in her pilot's seat. For my own sense of comfort's sake, I'm going to assume the ship is on autopilot.

She quickly begins shifting her body to resemble… Robin? Robin with boobs? She spins around as she shifts again, this time taking on the form of… Kid Flash. Kid Flash with boobs.

"Is it wrong that I think I'm hot?"

Kid F- _M'gann_ – the damn genders don't match, how the fuck did you still confuse them?! – then looks at me as she shifts once more into **-hey there, sexy.**

Thazi. Thazi with boobs.

"If I ever decide to finally set out on that magician's tour, I definitely know who I'll call up to be my bea _utiful_ assistant."

She bashfully hides a smile behind her hand as she shifts – second note to self, look up synonyms for the word, "shift," - back to her normal form, her blush now visible without the mask covering her face.

I wink at her, provoking an attempt to avoid eye contact as her blush deepens.

Kay Eff seems much less amused by our display, as he proceeds to grunt in disapproval before turning in his seat to face as much away from us as possible.

Oh, goddammit, not again.

"Impressive! But, you know you aren't exactly gonna fool anyone with any of those?"

"M-Mimicking boys is a lot harder."

"And your clothes?"  
"They're organic, like the ship! They respond to my mental commands."

"As long as they're the only ones."

And out of nowhere dick comment courtesy of Superboy. Don't know him well, but I _do_ know that he isn't exactly prone to being an asshole whenever it suits him. I should figure this out.

I clear my throat to gain his attention. I succeed, also attracting Kaldur's. The other three are engaged in their own conversation behind us.

"Was there some type of team meeting I missed? Because _that_ , combined with Kaldur's pep talk a few minutes ago, leaves me a little out of the loop."

Superboy becomes irked by my question.

"She tried to dig around in my head. She **shouldn't** have."

"While I'm sure that that covers the basics, there's gonna have to be a bit more if I'm ever gonna let talk like _that,_ " I point my thumb at M'gann, "slide."

It is then that Kid Flash decides to escalate the situation.

"He doesn't need to tell _you_ **anything.** The guy's been through a lot, he doesn't have to spill his beans for you."

Oh, good _God,_ is this shit getting old.

I swivel my chair to look back at Kay Eff.

"I'm not _telling him_ to, 'spill his beans,' I just want to know what it is that-"

" _Exactly!_ And he doesn't need to tell you!"

"Well, I'm pretty sure that the man in question can decide, _for himself,_ whether-"

"And what makes you so trustworthy that he would ever want to share **jack** with _you?_ We don't even know _your_ name yet!"

Okay, **what?**

"Need I remind _you,_ **Kay Eff,** that you apparently found it appropriate to share our dear friend Kaldur's identity?" The rest of the Team has gone silent. Even Superboy hasn't said a word. Kay Eff snarls, but doesn't immediately respond. "Or was that just a slip of the tongue? Is that the kind of trustworthiness, or impulsiveness, I should expect out of **you?** What's next? Are you going to tell me _Robin's_ secret identi-?"

"Oh, you can ** _just-!_** "

" **Enough.** "

Kid Flash and I stop immediately and look to Kaldur, the source of the assertive interruption, to see him staring authoritatively at the both of us. He swivels in his chair to face away from us. Deflated, I soon do the same, not looking back at Kay Eff to see his reaction.

 **Fuck.** ** _Fuck._**

 **The** ** _fuck_** **was that, Thazi?!**

It's your first **fucking** time out with the whole **fucking** team, and you had to act like an arrogant **fuck** and **fuck it all up for everybody?**

Well, it's not like I'm entirely at fault, Kid Fla **-the fuck does that matter?!**

No matter how true that may be, **you** shouldn't have escalated the situation. You **know** that he was already pissed, and yet you _kept pushing._ The fuck did you think was gonna come out of implying that the kid was untrustworthy in front of people that need and want him to be as such? That he'd just sulkily agree with you?

Christ, this is the first time you've had anything close to friends in years, and you're already fucking it up. Fucking Sandy was ** _-stopthinkingaboutthat._**

Just… Fuck. You need to talk with him later.

The ship is filled with an awkward silence, understandably.

"Here's something I _can_ do!"

Thank you, M'gann.

A low hum passes over the ship as it fades to a barely visible shimmer in the sky.

"Camouflage mode."

Well, it's better than nothing. Useful, if anything.

"Red Tornado to Miss Martian: an emergency alert has been triggered at the Happy Harbor power plant. I suggest you investigate, covertly. I'm sending coordinates."

"Received. Adjusting course."

Robin scoffs.

"Tornado's keeping us busy again."

I need to hang out with these guys more often. I apparently miss a lot of stuff when I'm not around.

"Well, I simple fire lead you to Superboy. We should find out what caused the alert."

Superboy looks over my shoulder to look out my window.

"I think I know the cause."

Curious, I turn to see **-and that's a tornado.**

M'gann does her best to outmaneuver its pull, but she is outmatched as we are promptly sucked into the vacuum.

 _Shit._

No! Bad breakfast! Stay in my stomach where you belong!

Luckily, M'gann managed to regain control of the ship before _that shit_ could get any further.

She flies us over to the nearby parking lot before opening the floor below us. We all stand as our chairs retract, and we jump down onto the ground.

People are in a panic as they hurry to escape the cyclone tearing up the area.

"Robin! Are tornados common in New England?" Kaldur turns to look at Robi-okay, no, scratch that. Robin's gone. "Robin?"

An unnerving chuckle echoes – but we're outside? Bat-tech, don't question it - around us. Is that Robin?

"He was just here!"

The five of us look to see the plant's upper windows shatter due to the interior gusts' force.

"Well," a floating card appears under my feet, lifting me into the air, "let's just hope that worse hasn't come to worst in _there._ "

The others nod and then run – myself tailing in the sky atop my card – to the building.

Inside I can see that Robin is already down – not out, thank God – and across from him stands a man wearing some kinda red mech suit that boosts his height to create an imposing visage. That or he's just that tall naturally.

He's also wearing a tattered scarf.

Over his armor.

 _Why?_

Superboy jumps to Robin's side, the latter having sat up after being propelled into a nearby pillar, as the rest of us all observe from the sidelines. I have lowered my card so to be more at level with the team, but I am yet to step off.

"Who's your new friend?"

"Didn't catch his name," Robin raises his voice as Superboy jumps into the fray, "but he plays kinda rough!"

"My apologies," Jesus, now that's a voice. "You may address me as **Mister Twister.** "

He then begins generating a large gust of concentrated wind from his hands, twisting – no pun intended – Superboy inside of a miniature tornado before launching him into a wall. I cross my arms as I look from Superboy's downed form back to Twister.

"Well, at least we know the origins of the New Englander tornados. Lucky us." My attempt at levity is either unheard due to the heavy winds or simply ignored.

Kid Flash takes a pair of spare goggles out of pocket as Robin stands up, all of us ready to join in ourselves.

First supervillain fight is a go… _Yaaaay…_

Kaldur nods at M'gann and I, each nodding in turn, before we each approach the fray. Me and M'gann are flying around Twister's sides – me on his right and M'gann his left – while Kid Flash sprints straight towards him. He launches himself feet first into Twister's chest, Twister… Not even flinching. He is then sent flying, via, Twister's, well, twisters, through the opposite entryway and across the field.

I stop mid-flight as I look at him _finally_ stop rolling. I know the kinds of villains that the Flash, and thus his Kid equivalent, have faced down and survived, so I know that he's surely been through worse ordeals. But my guilt from our earlier verbal altercation leads me to feel concern for Kay Eff, pondering whether to join the Team in their attack of fly out there to help him.

Before I can make my decision, Kaldur and M'gann have already been blown away in similar fashion to Superboy.

Two-thirds of the Team down, and we've been at this for… A minute twenty? Eh, give or take.

We are _right_ fucked, aren't we?

"I was prepared to be challenged by a superhero. I was not, however, expecting _children._ "

Robin tosses two… _Things_ – it's hard to tell from this distance – at Twister. The first is detonated before it gets anywhere near him, thanks to another one of Twister's signature wind sweeps – which I will henceforth refer to as, 'The MT Twister,' - , but the second manages to lodge itself into his chest.

Ha! _Bullseye,_ **asshole.**

"Objectively," asshole literally **flicks** the device out of his chest, the detonation going off a behind him, "you _are._ Have you no adult supervision? I find your presence here quite… _Disturbing._ "

I see that the rest of the Team – minus Kay Eff – have all returned to their feet. I surmise that this would be the best time to _sneakily_ fly over Twister and out of the upper windows. I fly closer to the ground towards Kid Flash, jumping off and breaking into a jog once I'm close enough.

Good lord, he took out a tree.

He gets up just as I drop to a knee at his side. Once he opens his eyes and sees me, his face almost immediately returns to the disdainful scowl.

"Yeah, I know, I'm a jerk." That seems to give him pause, a hint of confusion joining his still present anger. "But we can talk about just how horrible I am another time. For now, let's call a truce so we can help the Team take out _that guy._ " I turn to point at Twister-he is outside of the plant now. I leave the room for thirty seconds, and he takes out two thirds of us for the _second time?_

"On your feet, soldi-" Kay Eff has already stood up and taken to a sprint to cut Twister off. I take to my card and fly after him, hovering a few yards away from Twister.

"What have you done to my team?"

"Embarrassed them, largely." Twister prepares to unleash his newly patented MT Twister at Kid Flash and _-fuck this repetition._

I snap my fingers and a card appears in my grip. I pull my arm back before pitching it as hard as I can at Twister's skull. The impact causes him to jerk forward, interrupting his action. I look at Kid Flash and point to the Team, signaling him to rejoin them. As Twister turns around to look up at me, Kay Eff reluctantly forsakes his assault.

I hope I can successfully hide the fact that I feel massively inadequate after seeing my go-to move be literally shrugged off.

"Ah, so you _aren't_ a mere spectator." He takes to the skies to meet me at my elevation. "You are apparently just another _child,_ far out of his element."

Goddammit, I hate when the crazy people make a good point. Then again, not like _he_ needs to know that.

"Funny thing is, you're not exactly wrong."

That seems to bring him pause.

"Royal, what're you-?!" I stop Superboy with a raised hand in his direction. I then twist my wrist and hand in a counter-clockwise motion.

I pray to God that they interpret that as, 'Hurry up and think of a plan while I distract him.'

"Hmmm… You are clearly different from _them._ You choose not to engage, when your teammates are more than willing to rush in and-"

"Get themselves royally hammered, I know. Perhaps I'm content with subjecting my enemies to my masculine wiles?"

"So, you are their _comedian?_ Their class clown?"

"Hardly. I far exceed any expectations one could have for a mere _clown._ In fact, to insinuate otherwise is personally insulting to me. I demand a wholehearted apol-."

"Royal, don't bother!" I look down to see Robin. "We've figured it out!" Oh, good. They have a plan.

"Have your little friends finally devised an actual strategy?"

Yeah, yeah; keep talking, prick.

"We know who you are, and what you want!"

Wait, hold on, what're they-?

"So; let's end this."

Did they establish a suicide pact and just not tell me?

Twister addresses me once more.

"Apparently not."

He turns back to them.

"Consider it **ended.** "

Twister raises his hands into the sky, a tornado coming out of each as they meet to form one, large cyclone in the center. Dark clouds begin to circle overhead like damned vultures.

I descend as quickly as possible. I dissipate the card and run to meet M'gann and Superboy.

"Guys, what's the plan here?!"

"We've been tricked, Royal!"

"Uh, Superboy, I don't-"

"I can't read his mind, he makes tornadoes: it's Red Tornado in disguise!"

I… I don't…

"I'm sorry, M'g- **Miss** Martian, but-"

"You think _I'm_ Tornado? **Ironic.** "

I turn my head to see him prepari **-fuck.**

Before Twister's lightning strike can land, I sprint to the front of our group and form a giant card to act as a makeshift shield. It manages to absorb the bolt itself, but the resulting explosion proves too much for it, as it is promptly destroyed and we are all blown back by the force.

Ow.

Okay, mental note: cards can't handle anything as strong as or stronger than a bolt of lightning.

Superboy is the first to recover, tearing off his now tattered jacket and leaping towards Twister. Before he can get anywhere near his intended target, he is-did those lightning bolts go _through him?_

Shit, he was blasted so hard that his body made a ditch that extended a few yards.

Yeah, Imma just go back to my original strategy of, 'Do nothing until we can devise a plan or something'.

Oh shit, he's coming down. He's descending, he's gonna fry us, he's gonna shoot more lightning, more lightning that I can't block, and if I can't block it then we're probably gonna d-what's with the weird shimmer filter?

I soon realize that M'gann's bio-ship has moved over us in its camouflaged mode, concealing us – please God – from Twister's sight.

"Fine, then." Oh, thank God. "I won't deny you children have power, but playing hide and seek with you will not help me achieve my objectives. So; _stay_ concealed. If you confront me again, I will show **no mercy.** " After Twister concluded his stirring monologue, he takes off away from us and towards the city.

First supervillain fight is over… _Yaaaay_ …

I begin to raise myself to my feet, rubbing my nape in a vain attempt to quell the soreness, and notice Kaldur and Robin following suit.

"What happened?"

Good, Kay Eff's alive.

"I placed the bio-ship between us-"

M'gann, too. All that's left is **-fucking hell.**

Superboy managed to startle _the shit_ out of me by smashing a nearby boulder with his bare hands.

"And that's supposed to make it right?" Woah, wait, wha-? "You _tricked us_ into believing Twister was Red Tornado!" He's now standing over her, M'gann having not stood up with the rest of us.

And **_that_** is when I throw my hat back into the ring.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa; that's just ridiculous." He whirls around to glare at me, clenching his teeth. "Do you _honestly_ believe that that was intentional? What would she have to gain?"

"He's right, Superboy. She didn't do it on purpose." Thank you, Kaldur.

"It was a rookie mistake. We shouldn't've listened." Thank you, Robin.

"You are pretty inexperienced." Even Kay Eff's putting this into perspective. Good on you, man. "Hit the showers, we'll take it from here." I take it back, he's going a bit too far-

"Stay out of our way!"

Oh, **_fuck this._**

"If I may **_interject_** for a **_moment,_** " the Team turns to face me, all but Superboy – he's too pissed to care - visually surprised to hear the apparent vitriol backing my words, "I would say that that point rings true so loudly that this mission could be entitled 'The Rookies' Mistakes'," I do air-quotes, "because this entire day has been one, giant **_train wreck._** "

Even Superboy has diverted his attention to me at this point, some of his anger passing but not fully giving way. He and the rest all appear to be staring both nervously and intently at me.

Not the kinda audience I usually go for, but I'm a little too angry myself to care.

"Disappearing acts, engaging an unknown threat half-cocked, and a complete shutdown of strategic communication; essentially, what us six **_morons_** have been doing for the past five minutes!" Superboy clenches his fist, seemingly _more_ pissed.

I've now successfully managed to piss of a speedster and a Kryptonian. I wonder if this is my subconscious driving me to a twisted form of assisted suicide.

"Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but if we're going to just rinse and repeat this nonsense until we and or Twister fall dead out of exhaustion, I'd much rather tip the odds in our favor by keeping it at _six_ morons instead of _four._ "

Robin's eyebrow raises in confusion. "Uh, Royal? Kay Eff only mentioned Miss-"

"If you're gonna force her to leave, I'll follow right behind her. I'm just as inexperienced," good on you, Thazi; you had enough self-control to not say, 'as _green_ ', "as she is. If she's unfit to keep fighting, then why risk the hypocrisy? Kick **me** out, too." I can see that M'gann has again adopted a blush, although it is quite a bit fainter than before. And, given the circumstances, I probably shouldn't feel as proud as I do for causing that.

"No objections?" I look at each of my teammates. Robin and Kay Eff are trying to avert eye contact with me, M'gann has shifted her gaze to the dirt once more, and Kaldur shakes his head, keeping his eyes locked on mine. I'll take those all as a, 'no,' then. "Superboy?" My question causes Kaldur, Kay Eff, and Robin to slightly jump and turn their heads to look at Superboy, anxiously awaiting his most probably violent response. His fist clenches even harder, before he grunts and allows it to rest open. He turns halfway around, his eyes to the ground. He eventually raises his head to glare at me. I glare right back.

He grunts, breaking the min-standoff. "Whatever." I audibly sigh contently to let the Team know that I've calmed down, at least somewhat.

"Thank God; the band isn't disbanding. And before our first album is even released? Would've been humiliating." Robin and Kay Eff groan, and Kaldur manages a smirk. "Now all we need is our first big hit to top the charts. But before we get to that, we're gonna have to figure out a way to twist up Twister. Or, better yet, introduce his smug robo-face to our good friend, the Pavement."

"Well, why don't we just call The Cave? Tornado should still be there, maybe he could be backup."

"No way, Kay Eff. If we call for help, they'll know that we're not ready for this. We need to show them that we can handle our own problems."

"That may be true, Robin," Kaldur moves closer to the three of us, "would this not also be considered Red Tornado's problem as well? Mister Twister has made it very clear that he wishes to duel with one of the League, and given Twister's similarities to him, it could be assumed that he wants Tornado specifically." M'gann's head snaps up, and she smacks her palm on her forehead.

"Hello, Megan!"

…what the fuck was that?

 **Happy Harbor**

 **July 18, 12:06 EDT**

**Oh, God this is still weird.**

**Yeah, none of us cared for it much the first time either. Er, no offense, beautiful.**

**Bit awkward to hear you flirt when our minds are all linked, Kay Eff.**

**Shut up, Rob.**

**Focus, Team. Superboy, how are you holding up?**

**I'm **fine.** **

**He does not sound fine. Fuck, did I just _-oh_ **_God_** , I'm sorry about that! Gotta get used to the whole, 'separating one's inner thoughts from those shared through psychic link,' thing. It's a bit tricky.**

**Dude, do you always talk like that in there?**

**Old habit I picked up from a loose upbringing. I'm used to suppressing it, what with the number of children that a magician is expected to entertain, so-**

**This story cannot wait for another time?**

**Right, sorry, Kaldur. Ramble a bit when asked personal questions. _Another_ old-y'know what, give me a second.**

…hello?

Anyone hear me now?

 _Shit dick fuck ass tits._

… Nobody? Good.

Now, where was I?

**What're you…?**

 _Oh,_ right.

**Sorry, again. Keeping my inner thoughts where they belong.**

**It's fine, Royal. Now, are you and Kid Flash prepared?**

**Cards at the ready.**

**Yeah, we're good.**

Our part in the plan is simple: annoy Twister to shit. I'll take to the skies and pelt him with cards, Kay Eff will run, run, run around the red prick.

**And you, Superboy.**

** _Ready._ **

Poor bastard sounds like he's straining himself. Does he really have aversion to telepathy?

Great, now I have to further suppress the thought of Superboy having an aneurism while we're all still connected to his brain. Thanks, imagination, you fucking asshole.

Back with Superboy, his part coincides with mine and Kay Eff's. Let us run in, screw with him for about twenty seconds, then come down on his head. It's just another layer of annoyance for the guy, really.

**M'gann, how is your disguise coming along?**

**Having a bit of trouble with the voice, but I'm all set otherwise.**

**Then just avoid unnecessary conversation and leave the witty banter to us.**

She laughs.

Mentally.

 _Still feels weird._

**You got it, Royal.**

**Right. Royal, Kid: on my mark.**

Kay Eff pulls his goggles over his eyes. I prepare to take off on my – unexploded – playing card, two ten-card packets in each hand's grip.

**Three,** I look from the parking lot to the small park across the street being torn to shit by The MT Twisters, **two,** I glance at Kay Eff, and he glances back. We nod our heads to confirm that we are each readily prepared, **one!**

Kay Eff dashes off immediately, myself taking off to the skies. I cut to the right and fly above nearby building so to have a clear line of sight of my target.

I've spotted him. Not that hard, considering he's a giant, red robot that can control tornadoes and wears a stupidly long scarf.

"Certainly, _this_ will get the required attention?"

"You've got ours!" Twister turns to see Kay Eff sprinting towards him, "Full and undivided!"

Kay Eff jumps up, his foot making contact with _-hey,_ that actually worked that time.

Twister sounds none too amused.

" _Immaterial_ and _insufficient._ You are a distraction that I can no longer tolerate!"

 _Aaaand showtime._

" _Yoo hoo!_ " I gain his attention using the best Southern Belle accent I can muster. I throw the packet in my left hand at him, my right hand following suit. As the cards hit, they each seem to cause him to stagger backwards. He regains his composure and looks up at me. "Well, **_howdy there,_** stranger!"

" _As I_ _ **said.**_ " He raises his hands once more to prepare an attack. Before the smallest gust can be summoned, Superboy's token battle cry roars as he falls from the sky. Sadly, said battle cry alerted Twister to his attack – he should really work on _not_ doing that - , and he slides out of the way of his punch. The four of us have a momentary standoff, before Twister releases two MT Twisters at us. Unfortunately, nothing was there to stop him from going through with the attack.

Superboy and Kid Flash manage to move so to not be swept up while I prepare a more powerful shot. I crank my right arm back as a card as large as the one I am standing on forms next to me. I aim the card at Twister, winding it up in place, before launching it at him.

Unfortunately, the perceptive – he was staring right at you, fuckwit – bastard saw it coming, and brought up one mighty MT Twister to blow that shit away.

Okay, mental note the second: cards can't handle strong wind vacuums, such as the infamous MT Twister, which I swear I will that edit into Twister's file once we enter one for h _-focus,_ Thazi.

**Gentlemen, would you please?**

After my – unnecessary – request was mentally broadcasted, I glance down at Kaldur and Robin as they jump out from their cover to enter the fray.

I smirk as I look away and **-oh fuck** he's throwing boats.

At Superboy, that is. Thank God.

 _Wow,_ Thazi.

Er, that is, good thing it hit _him_ instead of Kay Eff, Robin, or myself, as the weight would surely break each of our bones and or instantly kill us.

… Nope, still feel like a dick.

Snapping out of my self-contained lecture – I should really look into this hostile subconscious thing – my full attention is returned to the fight.

Hey, Kaldur actually managed to dodge one of the M-no, wait, he was blasted away by the second one.

Ouch. Right into that building.

Should probably focus on throwing cards again.

I swerve my card around to float directly over the shoreline, and _coincidentally_ right behind Twister stupid tomato skull.

Kay Eff seem to be keeping his attention well enough on their own. Hell, Robin just took out two of the MT Twisters with a bomb.

Well, them doing well doesn't give me room to slack off, now does it?

I raise both of my arms up and begin to conjure two more cards, both equal in size to the last card.

I prepare to send them flyi-oh shit he sees me.

Hey, Twister, what exactly are you doing with all that wa ** _-fuck._**

The two newly conjured cards immediately dissipate as I quickly swerve to the side in a desperate attempt to dodge the fucking _boat_ that Twister is trying to throw at me.

I successfully maneuver around the still rising boat, and _-idea._

I re-conjure another card as I fly around behind the boat. I ready the card, facing it directly at the boat, and send it flying with all my strength. When the card makes contact, it manages to push the boat off of the MT Twister, sending it falling towards Twister himself.

 _Suck it,_ shithead.

Sadly, for me, he flies out of the boat's crash course. Guess we'll have to crack this can open in a more boring fashion.

Speaking of, Superboy seizes the opportunity and latches his arms around Twister's neck, trying to brings him down. Twister counters this by forming a MT Twister around _himself,_ and while that which occurred within the vortex alludes my sight, I do manage to capture the image of Superboy being thrown across the park, landing right inside the building where Kaldur has yet to-oh wait, there he is.

Oh, shit. If he moved a second later, Superboy would've crushed him.

That mental image is funnier than it should be.

And on the topic of fun, I do believe that ours is over.

**M'gann, I do believe that the current situation could benefit from a womanly touch, if you would be so kind?**

**I'm already airborne and should be there soon.**

**Righto. You hear that, guys?**

**Yes, I did.**

**Yeah, yeah, I heard her.**

**Oh, good, you're not dead. Would've been a tab anticlimactic to lose our only Kryptonian do to blunt trauma.**

**Royal, get down here already!**

**Oh, right. Coming.**

I fly the card down to the Team's level. The plan was to make sure that we would all appear as though we were still prepared to reengage, but close enough together so that we could all here-

"Hit the showers, boys."

**Good timing, beautiful.**

**Let her focus, Kid.**

"I was hoping you could handle this." Damn, she's really got that voice down in the one to two remaining minutes of preparation she was given. "Clearly, you cannot."

"But we've got a _plan,_ now!" All good lies hold a modicum of truth.

"The subject is not up for debate." And cue sullen departure.

The five of us clear the battlefield, giving M'gann and Kay Eff all the space they needed.

And here's where the plan gets good: M'gann had the idea herself. We knew the Twister wanted to draw Tornado's attention specifically, for whatever reason. But, Robin added, we couldn't call in Tornado, or any Leaguers in general, or else Bats might think that we're all just a bunch of pussies that can't handle being on our own.

So, we decided to cheat, kind.

M'gann may not be able to get male human down, but male _automaton?_ Easy as pie.

Only trick is that her telekinesis doesn't really apply to wind. So again, we cheated. Kay Eff can apparently spin so fast that he can create a tornado around himself. And thus, the illusion was complete.

Some brief distractions courtesy of all but M'gann later, and here we are.

"I was beginning to believe that you would **never** show up!"

"I'm here now."

**Kid, to my right!**

The theatrics begin as Kay Eff spins, and spins, and spins around, M'gann's arm outstretched to make it seem as though she is the one controlling the tornado. Kay Eff spins towards Twister, who quickly flies around him. The, 'tornado,' returns to M'gann, before Kay Eff sprints as fast as his metahuman legs can carry him out of sight.

"We are evenly matched, Twister." M'gann's arms extend behind her.

**Behind me, throw some debris at him!**

By her command, Kay Eff forms a tornado to hide within as he throws as many rocks as he can at Twister.

"No, Tornado, we are **not.** " Twister punches into the ground and uses a MT Twister as a shield to repel the projectiles. He outstretches his hands and-fuck, kinda forgot he could do the lightning thing. Shit.

M'gann levitates off of the ground, making sure to imitate Tornado's flight patterns to maintain the façade. She maneuvers around a destroyed boat and ** _-oh no._**

The lightning blew the boat up.

Martians don't like fire, right?  
 ** _Fuck._**

M'gann is blasted back by the blast, landing on her back.

** **M'gann,** are you okay?**

**Yes, Royal, I'm fine. Just be ready, I'm about to spring our trap.**

Oh, thank God. Still no dead teammates on the first day. That's a win in my book.

Twister flies over to M'gann's supposedly unconscious figure.

"Remain still, android." Twister's fingers open and five cables fly out from the tips and connect to M'gann's head. An unsettling image to be sure.

**Hey, did he just say, 'android,'? Isn't he a robot too?**

…oh fuck.

**I think you're right. Maybe's it's a suit, or something? Are there suits that block telepaths?**

**I'm not sure, but for now let us focus on bringing Twister down.**

I simply nod in response, and shift my attention back to M'gann.

**Here we go, guys.**

I quietly form a card under my feet in preparation.

"The reprogramming won't take long." Not two seconds pass before M'gann suddenly grabs the cables, and shapeshifts her head back to its normal form.

"Longer than you might think."

O _hoho,_ that was awesome!

" ** _No._** " Twister tries to back up, but M'gann pushes him into another one of Kay Eff's self-made tornados, sending him tumbling towards Superboy. Superboy connect a few good punches before grabbing Twister's arm and punching two holes in his chest. He then punches him across the shoreline and into the waters, where Kaldur should be waiting for him. M'gann and I make for the skies, awaiting our turns. Sure enough, we are treated to the delightful sight of an underwater explosion sending Twister back onto land.

Shit, he's missing an arm. Asshole deserves way worse, and we're gonna give him just that.

"Please, after you." I take a slight bow, which she responds to with an amused grin. I smile back as a outstretch my right arms, my final card for the day – please God - beginning to appear.

M'gann floats him up and blasts his other arm clean off. I spin my card horizontally like a saw blade and launch it forward, cleaving Twister's mechanical legs at the knees. Robin then finishes the job by throwing to explosives at his back, sending him crashing back down to the ground.

All six of us reunite in front of Twister's body as it lies face up. A hatch in its chest opens and out crawls-oh hey Gollum you're moderately better good these days.

Jokes aside, I did expect a bit more of a reveal than a skinny, middle-aged man.

He attempts to stand but trips over his own armor, landing on his face right in front of us.

What the fuck is happening right now?

He looks up at us.

"Foul. I-I call foul."

**Geez, it feels like we beat up a puppy.**

M'gann takes a few steps towards the man. She extends her left arm and levitates a rock-wait what?

"M'gann, no!" M'gann opts to ignore Kaldur's urging in favor of ** _-hoooly shit!_**

I put a hand over my mouth and audibly gag.

"Good _God,_ woman!"

Robin looks peeved.

"Don't know how things are done on Mars, but on _Earth,_ we don't **execute** our captives!"

M'gann smirks at him.

Please, God, don't let the only cute person on this Team be evil.

"You said you trust me." She extends her open hand to the rock and lifts it off of-oh God I don't wanna look. It's just gonna be a mass of shattered bones, torn flesh, ruptures organs, oozing blo-metal and wires.

Dude's a robot.

" _That's_ why I couldn't read his mind."

"Huh. No shit." I let out a – manly – squeak and put my fist over my mouth. "Um, pardon my language."

Goddammit, Thazi.

Kay Eff walks to the pile of robot bits and picks up an eye that was lodged out of its mechanical socket.

Yeah, no, still a bit gross.

"Cool. Souvenir."

"We should've had more faith in you." Kaldur places a hand on M'gann's shoulder.

"Yeah, you _rocked_ this mission!" Oh, you little bastard. "Get it? _Rocked._ Heh."

"Well," Robin's replaced his scowl with a smile, "one of us already did." He slaps my lower back.

Oh shit, my turn for flattery?

"Hey, it's as I said, 'six morons are better than four'." Smiles all around. Well, minus Supes and Kay Eff. They're not _scowling,_ at least, so at least there's that.

"This has been a good day, for both of you." Somehow, hearing that from Kaldur makes it more satisfying. "Your first mission, unofficial or no, was a success. You should feel pride in that."

"We're all just 'turbed you're both on the team."

"Heh. Thanks. Me, too."

"Same here, Rob."

I cross my arms and smile as I see the bio-ship over our heads. Kaldur, Superboy, Kay Eff, and Robin all make their way to the ship, myself and M'gann following close behind. Kaldur turns around and looks at me.

"Royal, before we leave," he points to Twister's pilot – or is he himself Twister? Fuck it, who cares -, "could you use one of your cards to bring the remains aboard? Tornado will most definitely want to see it." I give a lax thumb up.

"Got it." I form a card close to the wreckage and walk towar-why's the robot corpse floating?

"Is the robot haunted? Is the robot's spirit haunting its corpse? Do robots have souls? If so, should we leave the remains as they are so to not disturb the spirit? Such moral quandaries we face."

M'gann laughs. She uses her telekinesis to safely move each and every piece of mashed metal onto the card.

Saved me a good ten minutes.

"Thanks for the assist."

"It's the least I could do. It's like Robin said: you've been very trusting and decent towards me. I should repay the favor in some way, right?"

"Well, I suppose. I won't _refuse_ help, per say, but I'd really prefer you rather just treat me similarly. Just keep doing what you've been doing with the infectiously optimistic outlook, and you'll repay the favor tenfold." Her cheeks redden before her smile returns.

"Okay."

We begin to make our way back to the bio-ship, my card carrying the robot's remains slowly behind us.

"So," M'gann turns her head to me as we continue walking, "how're you feeling, rookie?" She giggles.

"You're just as new to this as me, Royal." We both smile.

"True, but that doesn't answer my question." She contently sighs.

"I feel good, overall, I suppose."

"Heh. Can't say I'm all too different."

We take our first steps onto the bio-ship's entrance ramp before I stop in my tracks. M'gann notices and looks over her shoulder at me with a confused expression.

"Also, for future reference? Try to give us a warning, next time you plan to crush something." She laughs at me, and I chuckle right back."

 **Mount Justice**

 **6:41 EDT**

The Team's dinner – courtesy of Kay Eff. Dude can carry a shitload of pizzas – has been unfortunately interrupted by a necessary mission report with Tornado. He's fully analyzed the robot's bits and pieces to his metal heart's content, and has asked us for personal input and or anything else of value we could add. I'm currently seated upon a floating card, my arm propping my head up off the table lazily.

"It was clearly created to sabotage or destroy you."

"Agreed."

"Good thing we didn't call you in, then. Would've been luring you straight towards your aforementioned sabotage or destruction."

"Even so, I would not have aided you had you simply asked. This was your battle. I do not believe it is my role to solve your problems for you. Nor should you solve mine for me."

"But if you're in danger-"

"Consider this matter closed." Tornado turns to walk away.

"Batman, Aquaman, and Flash, they would've jumped right in to fix things."

"Guess if we're gonna have a baby sitter, a heartless machine is exactly what we need."

For fairly experienced superheroes, those two are somewhat lacking tact, aren't they?

"Dude! Harsh."

"And inaccurate." Tornado hasn't stopped walking. "I have a heart, carbon-steel alloy." He stops and turns around. "I also have excellent hearing."

Damn. Now that's some deadpan.

"Heh. Right. Sorry. I'll strive to be more accurate."

" _And,_ " Kaldur wraps an arm around Robin's shoulders, "more respectful." Tornado decides to leave it there, and leaves us.

Kay Eff, Robin, and Kaldur move to leave. I make slight eye contact with Kid, but he immediately breaks it.

…fuck it.

"Hey, hold up." Kay Eff stops, but doesn't turn around. I pull up the card so I'm floating next to him. He crosses his arms and turns his head away from me.

Stubborn ass. You don't really deserve this, but…

"Balthazar Sterling." His expression pulls a one eighty and he turns to look down at me.

"Wait, what?"

"It's my name. Balthazar Sterling. 'Thazi', for short." He looks slightly more confused. "I made you feel untrustworthy. I… Didn't _want_ to do that. I'm sorry." His expression softens. "To show you that I hope to make up for that, I gave you my real name. Feel free to tell the others, too."

I wait for him to respond. After about a quarter minute, a chuckle escapes his throat.

"What?"

"O-Oh, sorry, don't get me wrong.," A few more chuckles, "I appreciate it, really, but… S-Seriously? _Balthazar?_ _Thazi?_ "

Great, this again.

I wish I could say that this had been the first time. Really, I do.

"My mother was religious." This doesn't seem to phase him as he finally gives up and bursts into a fit of laughter.

"I gotta go tell Rob!" He sprints off to meet the bird in question.

Well, at least I got him to laugh.

I begin to move the card forward, but Kay Eff suddenly dashes back and stops in front of me, a smile plastered on his face.

"Wally West." My eyes widen. "My name. I already told Miss Martian, and the rest of the Team knew already, so it's not like I have any problems with sharing, but you don't, so I thought that I should tell you. It's only fair, right?"

"Yeah." I smile. "Sure, Wally." We both share a smile for a second.

"Now, I need to get back to telling Rob and Kaldur that your name's _Thazi!_ " He dashes off, his laughter fading down the halls.

… Well I always like that nickname.

No, there just isn't a better one. It still sucks.

Fuck off, me.

Superboy passes me and we share a glance. No scowling, nor snarling. Guess that means we're good?

M'gann soon follows and stops next to me as she watches Superboy leave, a content smile on her face. I smirk up at her.

"Hash things out with him?"

"More or less." She hasn't looked away from him yet. "How about you and Wally?" I stare down the hall, same as her.

"More or less."


	4. The Red Hoodie Brigade

**Caribbean Sea**

 **June 22, 20:06 ECT**

So… First mission.

Officially, that is. Don't think Twister counts, since we were just kinda fucking around and generally doing fuck all before all that jazz kicked off.

Anyways: first mission.

'Isla Santa Prisca.'

My very first thought was, 'We're going to go find some drug dealers, aren't we?'

A tad bit racist, almost immediately drawing a connection between a vaguely Spanish-sounding name and the act of drug smuggling?

 _Probably._

But was I correct?

 _Mostly!_

Something, something, 'neurosteroid,' something, something, 'factory,' something, something, 'covert recon.'

Essentially, 'find the drugs, don't die.'

Seems simple enough. Plus, with no combat being a requirement, I can basically just kick back this whole mission and just periodically call out over the radio, 'I found more drugs.'

I cross my arms and lean back in my seat out of boredom when I notice the yellow speedster to my left staring at me.

"Please tell me nothing finds your fancy."

"W-What?! No, gross!" Geez. I'm not _that_ non-homoerotic, am I? "It's just… Your _mask._ It's creeping me out."

Oh, yeah. The whole mask-moves-with-facial-expressions-including-lip-movement thing.

"Don't worry. Its curse is only passed on to those that willfully don it. It may be too late for I, but thee may still bear a chance at life."

"Nerd," he scoffs, but with a noticeable smirk.

I pull my own grin as I shift my attention back to staring out the front window.

"We're approaching Santa Prisca."

I see Robin slightly grin himself, at nothing in particular.

Y'know, I get that mindreading without invite is kinda rude and everything, but fuck me if I don't wish for some Martian psychic powers to see what shitshow that fucking kid's concocting in his head right now.

"Drop zone ay in thirty."

Kaldur rises from his seat, pressing a button on his belt buckle that causes the red of his suit to turn a suitably stealthy black.

"Ready."

"Putting bio-ship in camouflage mode."

And suddenly, _swish,_ we're invisible. Aw, the magic of alien technology.

The bio-ship flies close to the water, allowing Kaldur to dive in and commence his part in the infiltration.

Surely enough, not two minutes later:

"Heat and motion sensors are patched. Data is now on a continuous loop. Move in."

"Well, looks like someone's giving Kid Flash's speed a _run_ for its money."

Wally groans, Robin snickers, M'gann laughs, Superboy does nothing.

That, 'nothing,' is _really_ getting to me. As a performer, a disinterested audience member is nearly unforgivable.

"Drop zone bee."

The five of us rise from our respective seats, M'gann lower ziplines for Wally, Robin, and Superboy.

Wally taps the Flash emblem on his chest, and his costume shifts to black.

"How cool is this?" He's gunning for M'gann's attention again.

Not gonna lie, kinda odd she hasn't picked up on it yet. At least, in a way that I can see, anyway.

That ain't gonna stop me from trying to steal his spotlight, though.

I tap the spade insignia on my chest and a wave washes over my suit. Everything, including my crimson cape, is color-swapped to a black identical to the current colorization of Kaldur's and Wally's respective suits, but the spade insignia on my chest is shifted to an ivory white. The only thing that doesn't change is my white face mask.

Those two things practically scream, 'shoot me either here or here once you see me,' but fuck it I like it.

I turn around to show myself off, hands on my hips.

"Indeed, I am, Wally."

 _Weak!_

Fuck off, brain.

Wally glares at me out of the corner of his eye.

Playful taunting beats malicious insult spewing any day. It's also more fun.

"Yes, Thazi. Very impressive."

M'gann closes her eyes as her suit is shifted to an entirely black suit that now covers her arms and legs, the red ex and blue cape remaining untouched.

Okay, that was a little _too_ attractive.

"Uh, that works too." Wally looks over to Superboy. "Hey, Supey," how in the fuck have I not come up with that nickname?! Dammit, Thazi, you're slipping! "not too late to put on the new _stealth tech._ "

"No capes, no tights. No offense."

I make a dramatic, 'humph,' sounds, and pull on my collar with both hand.

"Offense _taken._ " I put on my most snobby-ish tone of voice.

Robin and Wally laugh. I can't tell if Supey realizes I was telling a joke, or if he just still doesn't care.

"It totally works for you…" hey now, I don't even have the camera out, don't start yet, " _-in that_ you can totally do good work in those clothes!" She gives him a – totally not awkward – thumbs-up.

Aw, the rookies are bonding. They grow up so fast.

That joke doesn't really work when you too are a rook-shut up, it was funny.

M'gann and I are the first to exit the ship, as it is as simple as floating – or in my case, summoning a card and riding – our way to the ground below.

Robin and Wally line down right afte-the fuck is that?

 ** _Oh shit move._**

The four of us manage to move out of the way as **_Supey fucking divebombs_** down to Earth.

"Knew I didn't need a line."

"And yet, creating a _seismic event,_ may not have helped us much with the _covert._ "

"If I might make a suggestion?" Supey raises his eyebrow, "Next time, bring a megaphone. You'll be able to make all the noise you wish, and we won't be in danger of being _crushed_."

Supey seems to merely shrug us off.

I'm going to do something to him. I don't know what, and I don't know when, but by God am I gonna fuck with this guy is some fashion in the near future.

"Aqualad, drop Bee is go."

"Head for the factory." Kaldur is quick to respond to M'gann over our earpieces. "I'll track your Gee Pee Es and rendezvous Ay Es Ay Pee."

Robin pulls up one of those weird-ass circular holo-computers from his glove. It shows a simple – yet colorful – map of Santa Prisca.

"Roger that," he responds over radio.

He turns off his device after marking the factory's location.

We begin on the many physical trials and tribulations necessary to trek the mountains and forestry that Santa Prisca has to offer.

Well, except M'gann and I. We just flew.

But hey, there was the occasional mosquito. That was pretty annoying.

We all slow to a walk as we near our destination, Robin once again checking the holo-map.

Hey, why didn't Batman give us one of those?

Would we even know how to use it?

Touché, brain.

Supey – _loving_ that new nickname. Thanks, Wally! – suddenly stops and seems to focus on something for a few moments.

"Did you hear that?"

M'gann, Wally, and myself turn to face him.

"Nothing in particular. Why?"

"Wait, is this a super hearing thing?"

"You do have great ears."

I chuckle, crossing my arms with a smirk.

"And here I am thinking that _Kid Flash_ is the unsubtle one."

Her head sharply turns to me, her eyes widened in embarrassment before looking to the dirt.

"Okay, Rob, now what?" We all turn to look to the path ahead and-shit not again.

Robin disappeared. Again.

The Twister fiasco was _four days ago,_ Robin. Figured we'd have _all_ learned something that day.

"Man, I hate when he does that."

"He does this _often?_ Good lord."

"Yeah. Bit of a habit he picked up when he started training with Batman. It's kinda like how you apparently took up using excessive expletives as a child!"

"Your words wound me, speedster."

"Superboy, Kid," Kaldur's over the radio again, "switch to infrared. See if you're being tracked."

Wally slips on his goggles, infrared vision supposedly kicking in soon after.

"Got a squad of armed bozos incoming."

"Two squads," Supey corrects him. "But they'll meet each other before they find us."

Oh, shit, gang wa ** _-fuck, gunfire._**

Jesus Christ, that gave me a jump.

"No super hearing required now."

"Swing wide, steer clear."

"Y-Yeah, just as soon as I find Rob."

"Kid, don't-!" and he's gone. "Oh, sweet Christ, c'mon!" I signal for M'gann and Supey to follow behind me as I conjure a card – close to the ground as to not be seen, would rather not be shot – attempting to do my best to keep up.

Wally's still runn _-nope,_ scratch that, he tripped. Rough and tumble.

I feel kinda bad for finding that funny.

Oh fuck, he's still roughing and tumbling right down that incli ** _-shit._**

Landed.

Dead Center.

In the middle of the battle.

With all the guys with all the guns and, supposedly, all the neurosteroids, and therefore the guys invested in the efficient murdering of trespassers.

Long story short, Wally just **_fucked us._**

He makes a hasty retreat as the two sides recover from the initial confusion of a teenager rolling into their fight begin firing once again.

Fuck it, ' _and showtime_ ' _,_ whatever.

I fly my card to levitate in the center of the two factions' crosshairs – because I'm feeling like taunting death today – and call out.

"Who here wants to see a magic trick?" some of the goons stop firing at Wally to stare at me, obviously puzzled by the sight of a Dracula-looking motherfucker on a giant playing card – damn, these guys' day seems pretty fucked, right? – but soon raise their guns at me.

I summon two large playing cards fly at my sides, vertically, so to provide cover from the incoming hail of ammunition.

Luckily, dealing with gunfire and combat in general isn't exactly a new experience for me, so I don't feel the urge to get the fuck out of there. Thanks, life on the streets!

"Superboy," I call him over the radio, as I can't hear for shit over all the ballistics, "I do believe I have their attention. Would you like to take advantage of that?"

"With pleasure."

I can hear a loud struggle from my right, so I can only assume that he has engaged the enemy. I can still hear bullets hitting the shield on that side, so I opt to keep it up instead of lowering it to focus on handling the gang to my left.

"Hyah!" Oh, hey, Robin, good to know you were here the whole time, "What is _wrong_ with you guys?!" fuck you too, jackass, "Remember **covert?** Why didn't you follow my lead, vanish into the jungle?"

I'll give a smartass response later. For now, I notice that the guys to my right have stopped firing. So that just leaves…

I suddenly swerve my card around to directly face the Red Hoodie Brigade – I don't care what they're really called, that is now their name – and brings my two card shield directly in front of me. I push my hands forward, sending them hurtling straight towards the squadron like a flying wall.

The gunfire dies down completely and I see that I managed to knock out most of them. However, I can see that a few still remai-no, wait, M'gann's levitating them into a nearby tree, one by one.

There is most definitely a good number of concussions, there.

I descend from the air and float my card towards M'gann, Wally, and Robin, who have all managed to take out their respective goons.

"Er, I'm not, anyway." Aw, I missed the conversation? Now I just feel left out.

"You told me I could only read the bad guys' minds."

"Merely an expression, Miss Martian."

I spot a Red Hoodie Brigadier fleeing the scene, and prepare to throw a card at him, but Kaldur intervenes first. He jumps from the trees and places his palm on the goon's chest before electrocuting him, knocking him out cold.

"Good timing, Aqualad." I call out. I look around at all the downed enemies, seeing Supey across the clearing walking towards us. "And now the gang's all here. What's our next step, comrades?"

"We should bind them," Kaldur suggests, jumping down to join the group, "keep them from avoiding imprisonment once the mission is completed."

"… This is the part of the hero gig that gets boring and tedious remarkably quickly, isn't it?"

"Your sarcasm aside, yes."

Fuck.

 **Santa Prisca**

 **July 22, 20:22 ECT**

"I recognize those uniforms."

"Ah, so you too have heard tell of the infamous Red Hoodie Brigade. Their anarchic regime threatens the stability of every nation worldwide."

"Actually," Robin chuckles, "not too far off. They belong to the cult of The Kobra."

"Well, that's just as silly. They don't even look like cobras."

"No," Wally crouches down near one of the bound goons and points to his mask, "see? These're supposed to be fangs, right?"

"Around the cheekbone area and not, say, the _mouth?_ "

"Hey man, I didn't do their wardrobe."

"In any case, I am certain Batman would have mentioned it if he knew a dangerous extremist was running Santa Prisca's venom operation."

That is a fair point indeed. The man doesn't come off as one to cut corners. This'd have to be new info for him, too.

"Agreed. And since there's clearly no love lost between the cultists and those goons, I'm betting Kobra came in and tossed them out. _That's_ why normal supply lines have been cut off."

… That was… Quite the myriad of conclusions drawn from a single gang fight.

Guess getting the full package with Bat leaves you prepared. Or extremely paranoid.

"We get it. Kobra wanted super cultists," Wally reintroduces himself into the conversation, "Mystery solved. Radio bats, and we'll be home in time-"

"These cultists," Robin interrupts, " _aren't_ on venom. Kobra's _hoarding_ the stuff. We don't leave. Not until I know why."

"Until _you_ know why?"

"This team needs a leader."

"And it's you? Dude, you're a thirteen-year old kid who ducked out on us without a word."

"And you're a mature _fifteen?_ You blew our cover first chance you got!"

M'gann, Supey, and myself stand off to the side and look on.

"Well, if we ever needed further proof that they are indeed teenagers, voila." M'gann turns her head to Supey.

"Don't _you_ want to lead?"

Supey scoffs.

"You?"

"After the Mister Twister Fiasco?"

"You did alright." M'gann bows her head with a blush.

Holy shit, he's smiling. He… He can _do_ that?

"By God, you **can** smile," I grin.

Supey gives a brief glare before _smirking again_ – just a little unnerving – before paying his attention to something else.

M'gann's head rises to look at me.

"Speaking of Twister, why don't you lead? You kept the team from separating, even if it would've just lost me."

Hmmm… Tempting… Nah, fuck that.

"Correction, it would've lost _us,_ " I point to her, then myself. "Also, to answer your question, not even if they paid me in gold."

"Why not? From what I've seen, however short our time working together has been up to this point, you're definitely capable."

"I'm merely eloquently spoken. I can get people to listen, and I might even convince them that what I'm offering seems worth something, but that's not what _leading_ is."

"What do you mean? It can't be that different, can it?"

She's not exactly wrong, Thazi.

Then again, you'd rather kill yourself than be given such a responsibility. But, since telling that to M'gann would be a dick move…

"Well, I-" who the hell is chuckling?

"Such clever niños," shit, it's that one big motherfucker that was leading the other thug group. Maybe he was also in charge of the venom originally? "But you only know half the story," the group has paused their individual conversations as we gather around to listen. "Let me show you the rest, get you into the factory via my secret entrance."

Ah, classic moral dilemma. Do we leave the Hispanic man tied to a tree and look for the drugs ourselves, or untie him so he can show us his super-secret door?

It is the question that every man, woman, and child must ponder some day, I'm sure.

Luckily, we have a Martian, so we don't _need_ to think.

M'gann crouches down and places a hand on her head.

"There _is_ a secret entrance, but he's also hiding something." Her eyes-holy shit her eyes glow when she does that?

Y'know, a month ago, that'd be creepy as shit, but I've learned to just shut up and accept it since then.

"Ah ah ah, chica," why the hell does he keep dropping random Spanish in with his fluent English? " _Bane_ is not that easy."

Hey, and we didn't even need M'gann to probe his brain for a name. An obviously fake one used for supervillainy, but it's better than, 'Drug-Peddling-And-Developing Luchador.'

M'gann groans. "He's mentally reciting football scores _en Español_ _._ This could take a while."

"It's not complicated. The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

We all look to each other, silently mulling his offer over.

… Fuck it, we've got nothing. Cut the ropes.

I nod at the team, and Kaldur nods in response. The others seem to agree.

Guess it's unanimous. Time to go drug-hunting.

 **Santa Prisca**

 **July 22, 20:47 ECT**

"Quite the view."

Bane has lead us to a cliff edge – always a good sign when the supervillain leads you someplace really, really high up – and points down to the factory.

Well, 'factory' is a tad inaccurate. Or, at least, slightly less apt of a description. Factories do have some form of security, but I doubt that whatever crap your developing is ever so valuable that it requires a few dozen men holding automatic weaponry to patrol at all times.

Robin stands at the very edge with binoculars to his eyes to find anything of interest.

"Look at all that product. A buy _is_ going down."

"Question is, who's buying from Kobra?"

"We need to identify that buyer."

"Just what _I_ was thinking."

"Yeah, _you're_ the thinker".

"Sarcasm? Dude. A _real_ leader would focus on getting answers."

"Kid's right," the two turn to me, Robin glaring and Wally beaming. "Drug bust now, bickering later."

Wally seems ready to gloat over my siding with him, but stops before he can begin when we here Bane move a large boulder. The stone was concealing a fully lit – via wall mounted bulbs - and supported tunnel.

"Answers are this way."

Well, it's better than storming into the factory like mad men. Tally ho, and away we go.

"So now, _El Luchador_ is our leader."

"If the rest of you don't keep up," I start down the tunnel, "that may just become the reality by default."

Only a few minutes passed as Bane lead us down through his tunnel before he stopped at a large, metal door. He pressed his thumb into a button and held until the red light on the door's lock flashed from red to green and turning, unlocking it and revealing the factory's interior to us. It appears that Bane's secret entrance was placed right inside a small, hardly noticeable maintenance room, a single door across from us being its only other way of entry.

Bane and Robin open the door as little as they can to peer outside the room.

"All clear," Robin then runs out ahead of us.

Little shit's already gone, isn't he?

Yep, sure enough. Take a step out of the room, not a sign of him.

"Has that little fool already been caught?"

"We'd prefer it if he weren't, but it's not like having to rescue him wouldn't be entertaining, if not for the gloating aspect." Bane glances at me over his shoulder.

"Stay put," Wally pulls his goggles over his eyes. "I'll get our intel and be back _before_ the Boy Wonder."

"Wait, kid!" Kaldur reaches a hand out, but Wally's already dashed off.

Goddamnit, guys.

"Great chain of command."

"In our defense, we haven't fully established one up to this point." Bane shifts his gaze to me.

"You sure do like to talk, don't you, _hombre magíco_ _?_ "

"You sure like to punctuate your sentences with Spanish, don't you, _musculus caput?_ "

He sharpens his glare in response but decides on inaction.

"We should stake out the transport." Kaldur leads the group forwards and behind stacked crates, hiding us from the cultists while also giving us a decent view of their nefarious deeds.

"It's a massive shipment."

"Yeah, but they're only taking new product off the line. They're not touching _this_ venom."

"Maybe freshness counts?"

Hardly a valid presumption when referring to steroids – I'd assume – but since I feel like further mocking the drug dealer…

"Hey, musculus caput, got any ideas for why they're opting to take only fresh product?" Before Bane can – presumably – tell me to fuck myself en Español, Supey's head jerks upward.

"Helicopters, incoming." We all look up to bear the sight. Helicopters indeed.

"Miss Martian, camouflage. Move in and identify the buyer." M'gann simply nods in response and pulls her hood over her head, cloaking herself.

"The rest will find higher ground," Kaldur looks around and spots a walkway above the patrolling guards' heads. "That should work."

We all move as quickly and quietly as possible up onto the walkway.

The wait for M'gann to report in is silent. Sure enough, Kaldur places a hand on his head and closes his eyes to focus.

"Sportsmaster. _He_ is the buyer?"

Pfft. What?

 _Sportsmaster?_

Who in their right mind…

"Who is Sportsmaster, and who would be so cruel as to give him that name?"

"He's with the League of Shadows," Supey's putting his force-fed-head to good use. "Don't know about the name. Does sound dumb, though."

"Aqualad to Red Tornado. Do you read?" he waits for a few moments to pass before grunting in frustration. "Can't reach the League, Robin, _or_ Kid. Comm's jammed. We need a plan, now."

"I have a suggestion."

Musculus caput just jumped down.

Musculus caput just let one of the guards fire his weapon.

Musculus caput just fucked us.

"Seems musculus caput is living up to his nickname."

Do I hear a bestial cry of fury- **-cardThazicardnow.**

I vault over the railing and land on one of my cards, flying myself away as the fucking behemoth monster leaped through the window and smashed the walkway.

Oh shit, forgot Kaldur and Supey. Oops.

Eh, they're super strong and shit, they're fine.

Now that I've got a good look at this thing… I feel repulsed. Thing's gut gaping flesh cuts all over its body, but they don't exactly look like wounds. There's no blood; it's as if someone just peeled his skin of like an orange to get to the fruity muscle within.

I'm now less concerned with fighting this thing than I am simply not gagging at the sight of it.

But, on the funny side, he somehow has a full head of ginger hair. I don't even care how that's possible with how fucked his body is, that shit's hilarious.

"Destroy them!" I can only assume that this is the man the commands Kobra.

… I'm not going to say it.

... But that doesn't mean that I won't be adding, 'Cobra Commander,' to his list of known aliases when we write his file for the Cave.

The monster barrels towards us, prompting Supey to play the imitation game, bolting forward and grappling the beast's torso.

Of course, if you were I, you'd have guessed that that was a fool's errand almost immediately. But, since I am a benevolent god, I decide to offer Supey a helping hand in the form of a card being tossed into the monster's eye.

The beast cries out in pain and releases his own hold on Supey, giving his captive an opening to retaliate.

As the two brawl, the cultists engage myself and Kaldur, the two of us forming our own shields – I conjure a large card, Kaldur makes a magic shield made up of water – to deflect the incoming barrage of ballistics.

I see a teenager-shaped shimmer hover over the cultists' before they begin to mysteriously fly away.

Gee, whatever supernatural, non-M'gann related force could do such a thing?

I look over at theier leader and… What's with the Vorhees looking guy?

What's he holdi ** _-ohfuck._**

"Miss Martian, behind you!"

M'gann's shimmer moves out of the spear's trajectory. The spear – think it's a javel-not important, Thazi – misses M'gann, but a small red light flashes on its side before it explodes.

Guess I can assume that that's our buyer. I honestly can't decide if his name is funnier when you realize that he justifies it by using sports shit with bombs in them.

My eyes follow M'gann as she is blasted out of my sight, only to have my focus be redirected towards Robin and Wally running towards us from a – undestroyed – walkway.

I see Kaldur slowly begin to retreat from the fight, most likely due to his water shield requiring a significant amount of concentration and energy that won't last forever.

I decide to slowly walk back myself, making sure that my card stays floating behind me to provide cover.

Kaldur ducks behind a large pipe and-oh shit cultists behind him.

Before I can handle the goons myself, Wally dashes from the side and kicks them both to the ground, unconscious.

We both look up to see three more cultists raise their guns from the walkway across from us, Wally being forced to take cover.

"Miss Martian, radio is jammed! Link us up!"

We should really discuss the possibility of doing that first-thing.

I should probably brace myself, given my first time with the link was kinda** _-owwww._ **

**S-Sorry! Is everyone else online?**

**Yeah…**

**Oh, right, you hate this.**

Separate the thoughts, Thazi, you know this.

**You know it, beautiful.**

**Good. We need to regroup.**

**Busy now!**

"I honestly can't tell if he's dead-set on dying alone, or being the only survivor."

"Dude. Dark."

**Robin, **now!** **

Kaldur turns the corner and uses his magic to whip the three grunts firing at us from our flank.

**Strategic retreat. Kid, clear a path.**

Wally darts forward and incapacitates four guards, allowing the rest of us to retreat back into the tunnel.

I lower my shield card and sprint toward the ex **-ohChrist!**

Supey and the behemoth guy land in front of me, their brawl at a momentary stand-still.

Here I come to save the day, yadda yadda yadda, throw a card into the beast's eye again.

The monster lets out another cry of pain – feel a bit too prideful that that's because of me – and impulsively jerks its head up. As I run past Supey, he throws the beast at an in-pursuit squad of cultists. We both sprint our way throw the door and into the tunnel, Supey forcibly sliding the metal door shut, sealing the cultists out.

"Call it paranoia, but I doubt that that's gonna stop the most roided out ginger on the planet."

"Agreed. Move!"

We all continue our retreat down the tunnel, the beast slamming its way through the door as predicted.

I conjure up a card big behind us to block as much incoming gunfire as possible.

"Superboy, the support beams!"

Following Kaldur's suggestion, Supey punches out two of the beams keeping the tunnel stable above our heads.

Time to play a rousing game of, 'Don't Get Crushed in The Tunnel.' It was Indiana Jones's favorite pastime.

Thankfully, we all manage to run far enough to escape the collapse, sufficiently sealing ourselves off from the enemy.

And now all we have to worry about is the crushing darkness.

"Anyone got a light?"

Kaldur snaps a glowstick, our team becoming illuminated in red.

"How could my first mission as leader go so wrong?"

To prevent a repeat of the Twister lecture, I decide to remain silent out of exhaustion instead of pointing out how he was never made leader in any fashion.

"You _do_ have the most experience."

Wait, isn't he, like, thirteen? How does he-ask later, Thazi.

"But perhaps that is exactly what has left you unprepared. Fighting alongside Batman, your roles are… _Defined._ You two do not need to talk. But this team is new. And a leader must be clear, explicit. He cannot vanish and expect others to play parts in an unknown plan."

"Oh, so _I'm_ just supposed to hold everyone's hands?!"

Take a deep breath and try again, little bird.

He pauses with an exhausted grunt.

"Ah, who am I kidding?" There ya go, champ. "You should lead us, Kaldur. You're the only one who can."

"Please!" Oh, Lord help you, Wally. "I can run _circles_ -"

"Wally, come one! You know he's the one. We all do."

"Hello, Megan!" Okay, that's still a bit weird, not gonna lie. "It's so obvious!"

"Could've told ya."

Wally looks around at us, his eyes landing on my silent figure.

"Not to sound like I'm against Kaldur being leader, but what about Thazi?"

The Team all looks at me expectantly.

Hoooo boy.

"You did take charge during the mission with Twister. That should not be ignored."

"You humble me wi your consideration, but I absolutely decline. As I told M'gann back in the jungle, that does not make me a leader. A drill sergeant does not lead his soldiers into battle."

"Dude, you _do_ follow us into battle. Also, drill sergeants train people, too."

"Okay, I get it, not the best analogy. My point is, while I may have a silver tongue, Kaldur has an iron will. Out of all of us, he's the only one fully qualified."

Wally seems to mull my answer over.

"Okay." He sounds confident in his decision.

Good. Now the plane has its pilot.

"Then I accept the burden," Kaldur approaches Robin, placing a hand on his shoulder, "until _you_ are ready to lift it from my shoulders. You were born to lead this team. Maybe not now, but soon." Robin nods in acknowledgement. "Alright," he turns to address all of us, "our first priority is preventing the shipment from leaving this island."

"Funny, I had the same thought."

Oh, dearest Robin, never change.

 **Santa Prisca**

 **July 22, 21:17 ECT**

Oh, thank Christ, I can see the exit.

I look over and see Robin again inspecting his holo-circle thing.

"Sportsmaster's the supplier slash buyer. But it _still_ doesn't track! He doesn't have the juice to acquire the blockbuster formula or to get Kobra to do his dirty work."

"And neither of them have the chops to bond blockbuster with venom," oh, I don't know, Wally. The Red Hoodie Brigade's resources are nigh limitless. "That took some **major** nerdage."

"I believe the expression is," we all stop running, "'tip of the iceberg,'."

Oh shit. Now the Hispanic's roided out.

"Halt, _niños_ _._ I'm feeling," oh shit, he's holding a detonator, " **explosive.** "

We all look up to see the primed cee four above our heads.

"You betrayed us! Why?"

"I want my factory back."

**Kid, you'll need a running start.**

I look at Bane's feet and see a myriad of what I can ascertain to be containers for the venom formula.

**Maybe we'll get lucky and he just dies in the next five seconds of a heart attack.**

"So I forced you into a situation where you would either take down my enemies or die trying," holy shit, is he really gonna exposit his plan? "If the latter, The Justice League would certainly have come to avenge their sidekicks," oh my fuck, he is. "And when the smoke cleared, Santa Prisca would be mine once more. Blowing the tunnel with you inside," he lifts his thumb over the trigger, "should have the same effect."

As his thumb falls down onto the detonator, Wally bolts forward and snatches it from his hand.

"With what?" Bane turns to see Wally leaning against a tree, trigger in hand. "This trigger thingy?"

Bane yells as he thrusts his fist towards Wally's head, but M'gann lifts him into the air before he can make contact.

She keeps him still in hover as Supey positions himself underneath.

"Finally," he prepares to strike. " _Drop him._ "

"Hold up."

They both look at me in confusion as I take position next to Supey.

"Hey, musculus caput?" Bane snarls at me, graduating from mildly annoyed to enraged at my nickname. "In case you were curious, my cute little nickname for you? It means, 'muscle head,' in Latin."

Robin snickers. "Ah, dude! Seriously?"

"Yep. However, a more appropriate name at this point would be, 'passus serio concussione,'," I address M'gann and Supey. "Give him what for."

M'gann telepathy gives out and Bane drops right on top of Supey's fist.

I am so sad that I had no means of recording that. Fucker did a backflip, for Christ's sake.

"So," Robin approaches me, "what's, 'passus serio cuncussione,'?"

"Oh," I look down at Bane's unconscious form. "It means, 'suffered a concussion,'."

Robin and Wally burst out into hysteric laughter, M'gann giggles and Kaldur and Supey give amused grins.

I may not be leader, but Twister may have had something when he called me the comedian.

 **Santa Prisca**

 **July 22, 21:32 ECT**

**On my mark.**

Final assault, here we come.

There is no particular plan here. The closest we've got is, 'beat their shit and let M'gann place some of the unused cee four on the helicopter,' but I doubt that that fully counts.

**Now!**

Wally is the first in, knocking down grunts as their streams of gunfire consistently miss him.

I am second. Time to fuck with and up some cultists.

I hover high above their heads as I conjure up to large cards at my sides.

" **Incoming!** "

I send the cards flying as some of them turn their heads up, only to be met by two, giant playing cards throwing them to the ground. I swerve in circles around the squad, avoiding most of their gunfire and allowing the card I am standing on to block the rest, as I launch card after card down on them, another goon falling with every hit.

I hear a crash and see that Supey's joined the fray. I assume that he's challenging the ugliest creature on Earth, as the beast roars as it barrels towards him. But from the side, Kaldur intercepts him with a heavy stream of water.

Shit, this is going better than you'd thin-oh hey Sportsmaster, where ya been?

What's he holding?

His firearm – is it a gun, or a crossbow? – fires a projectile of red energy **-oh** shit, that hurts Supey.

**M'gann, might wanna get on with the explosive planting?**

**I'm already on it.**

I nod and shift my attention back to the grunts, continuing to throw card after card down on them.

I eventually notice two particular enemies that catch my fancy.

Kobra and that red-head goon – the not-as-ugly girl one – are standing off to the side, bearing witness to their failing battle.

I smirk as I prepare a single card in my grip, aiming for Kobra himself.

Heads up, douchebag.

I throw the card, but unfortunately the ginger girl noticed and jumped in front of her master. It hit her square in the head, knocking her out of the game.

… Was that supposed to do anything, or…? I mean, at the end of the day, you're still down a man. It just isn't the guy in the stupid red cloak thing.

I descend quickly, my arms crossed as I address Kobra.

"Had that decision not been hilarious in failure, I would be very disappointed that you weren't unconscious right now."

He looks up at me.

"Arrogant, to challenge a God."

"Ironic, to call someone else arrogant when you run a cult."

"Your tongue is sharp. Enough to get yourself _cut._ "

"Don't worry, mom. I promise not to run with my tongue."

**Hey, can I tag in?**

**Go ahead. Guy's a windbag, and not the fun kind.**

"This brief battle of wits has been a treat, incredibly pale man, but I must be off. Chao."

I ascend into the sky away from him, glancing down at Robin beginning to engage Kobra.

Good luck, thirteen-year old boy.

I notice that the number of cultists still conscious has decreased significantly, the few morsels remaining being picked off one-by-one thanks to Wally.

Big, ginger, and ugly is still being pushed back by Kaldur's magic water hose.

**Gonna give him the 'ol, 'One-two-shock,'?**

**Indeed.**

Sure enough, Kaldur charges his stream with electricity, the energy traveling through the water and into the beast. He lets out a final roar of pain before collapsing to the ground.

Do I hear turbines?

I turn to see the helicopter uplifting itself into the air, M'gann and Supey on the ground below it.

**You do the bomb thing?**

**I did the bomb thing.**

The chopper manages to rise quite high, but is soon stopped by its rear end suddenly exploding.

It struggles to remain airborn **-fuck its gonna hit me.**

I swerve out of the way and towards the ground to witness the chopper land on top of the factory, the proceeding explosion setting the place ablaze.

Minus on factory, plus one angry passus serio cuncussione.

**Team, converge on Kobra!**

I fly towards my teammates, all of us regrouped around Robin in a stand-off against Kobra.

"Another time, then," Kobra quickly backs away into the shadows of the jungle.

Robin runs forward and peers within, only to find nothing.

Guess you don't get to be a cult leader without being creepy as fuck in multiple ways.

"Not the most satisfying conclusion," I drop down to my feet, "but by God am I glad that _that's_ over."

"Same here, man."

Robin approaches Kaldur with a smile.

"We picked the right guy to lead," he passes him and looks out at the burning factory. "Automatically making _you_ the right guy to explain this mess to Batman!" He laughs at the unfortunate reality.

"We had to fight a cult today, and _that_ is probably going to be our most arduous trial."

"No. Robin is right. It is now my responsibility to report-"

"Kaldur," I wrap my arm around his shoulders – which is somewhat awkward given the slight height disadvantage - , "I'm kidding. I _know_ that you're the only one that'll have to suffer."

He looks surprised at my bluntness before realizing my facetious intent. He chuckles.

"Ah. Good to know that nothing is misunderstood."

"Darn right."

A broken drug operation, a beaten supervillain, and a dismantled cult.

Today was a good day.

 **Mount Justice**

 **July 23, 10:01 EDT**

Today has been a shitty day.

"A **simple** recon mission," Batman gets up in Kaldur's face, "observe and report," Batman walks down the line we have made to receive his lecture. "You'll _each_ receive a written evaluation detailing your many mistakes. Until then, good job."

Okay what.

It seems that my teammates each share my surprise.

"No battle plan survives first contact with the enemy. How you adjust to the unforeseen is what determines success. And how you choose who leads determines character."

A lecture from Batman, and a compliment from Batman.

Today is moderately improved.

 **?**

 **?, ? ?**

Goddamnit.

Goddamnit, goddamnit, goddamnit.

I spent _three_ _ **fucking**_ _weeks_ setting up those morons in the Santa Prisca operation – guns for the cultists, blueprints of the facility, info on Bane's crew – and they go and **_fucking lose it all_** to a bunch of kids?!

If I didn't love this suit too much to let it burn, I'd be enraged beyond measure.

However, I am forced to calm myself. The Big Boys are waiting for me.

I make my way into the meeting room and see the many distorted faces of The Light's most influential members displayed on screens surrounding the guy they sent to handle my operation.

"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action, and enemies of The Light **_must not stand._** "

They can handle their fucking kids. I want my fucking formula.

"Gentlemen," the guy turns to me, "a pleasure. Even if our meeting is under conference call."

"Ah. Phosphorus. We assume that you have arrived _unannounced_ to acquire the remnants of the Santa Prisca operation."

"Indeed, I have. Now, where exactly can I expect to find the rest of _my_ formula?"

"Sportsmaster."

The guy behind me – Sportsmaster, I guess. Dumbass name – clears his throat to gain my attention. I turn around and-I'm sorry, what's this shit?

"That's it?"

"Yep."

"One. You only have **one?** "

"The place is up in flames, green. You're lucky we've got anything to show for it."

I snatch the ampoule from his hand and stare at it. I tighten my grip on it,

"Damn. All those men, and they couldn't even handle a single group of… How many was it? Five? Six?"

"Six brats, yeah."

I scoff. "Unbelievable," I shove the ampoule into my suit pocket. I turn to address The Light. "I can set up a new operation by, let's say, mid-September. I'll even bank for some competent help, since apparently Kobra wasn't prepared for six _kids._ "

"Six children working under The Justice League, Phosphorus. Remember, there was a time when you underestimated Roman Sionis," oh, not this shit again, "and this is no different."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," and I don't care, you fucking windbags. "Speaking of Sionis, I'd hoped to hear an update on the part of our agreement where you bring me his mask bathed in his own blood."

"Ah, yes. The Sionis hit. In fact, we've been meaning to discuss that with you."

Some shit went down, didn't it? And not shit I wanna hear.

"You neglected to inform The Light that _Weylon Jones_ was on his payroll," oh, **_fuck._** "This information was not made known until _after_ the agent was found horribly mutilated and partially devoured. A new debt must now be repaid."

"Now, hold on, ther-"

"An agent of The Light perished because you failed to provide necessary intel. Your oversight cost us agent, and thus you now must serve as a temporary… Replacement."

"What, you want to make me your newest assassin for, what, a month? Two? Hell, **four?** Might I remind you all that I have a Kobra-venom operation to revive, and I can't juggle that with having to be a ninja attack hound."

"No. Your primary purpose is expected to be fulfilled. However, we will call upon you when we feel that your… Talents, will be needed."

"… Fine. Seems reasonable enough."

"Good. The Light will contact you."

"I'll keep my answering machine on."

I turn around and walk past Sportsmaster as I exit.

Fuck me, I need a smoke.


	5. Hank

**Gotham Academy**

 **August 2, 17:01 EDT**

"O-Oh, Mister Hall, thank you for stopping in before heading home. I promise to be brief."

Principal wanted to talk. Semester starts in a month, school needs to be ready.

Was given a job as a janitor two months ago. Pay's fine. Can lay low.

He's staring. Looks nervous. Expects me to answer him.

"I'm listening."

"O-Of course, of course! You see, I-I," please stop stuttering, "just received a call from Mister Flynt that he w-wouldn't be available full time tomorrow. W-We need someone to fill the gap."

"I'll do it."

He's surprised by my answer. Guess I was blunt. Got nothing better to do tomorrow.

"O-Oh, great! D-Do you know the hours?"

"Three to nine-thirty instead of three to six."

"G-Great!"

There's a pause. It's awkward. He doesn't know how to end it.

"Anything else?"

"U-Uh, um, I, uh, n-no. No."

I nod. I turn around and reach for the handle, turning it to open th-

"G-God bless you for your generous help, Mister Hall!"

I stop. I glance over my shoulder.

"I'm Muslim."

He's confused. Now he's mortified.

"U-U-Oh, my Go-uh I-I mean goodness, Mi-Mister Hall," annoying me. Stop. Clenching door frame, might dent it. Stop, "I-I am so, _so_ sorry, I-I meant n-no disres-"

"I never told you. You didn't know."

"B-But I sti-still shouldn't ha-have-"

"It's fine."

He stops. Good. Loosening grip on door frame.

"A-Alright. H-Have a good night, Mister Hall."

"Hank's fine."

Left his office. Closed the door behind me.

Control yourself. League gave you a chance.

Do it for Dawn.

 **Mount Justice**

 **August 3, 13:03 EDT**

"Recognized, Royal-"

Automated computer voice, we've been over this. The, 'The,' is perhaps the most important part of my title. To ignore it would be to squander its nuance.

"-bee zero six."

"Honey, I'm home."

The first thing to grace my sight is all my teammates but Supey gathered around a holographic hockey table, currently being used by Kaldur and Wally. All of them are in their hero outfits as well.

And here I am in my classic, 'I Look Like I Wanna Sell Drugs To Kids,' trench coat.

M'gann addresses me with a smile.

"Hey, Thazi. How was Happy Harbor?"

"Nostalgic."

I look down at the game Kaldur and Wally are invested in and take out the crumpled up five-dollar bill from my pocket.

"Five bucks on Wally."

I drop the dollar on the holog _-_ oh right, hologram.

The bill just fell through and onto the floor.

"Oh, right."

As I bend over to reach it I hear Robin snicker next to me.

"Yeah, yeah…"

"I'll take those odds, by the way," he takes a moment to take a breath as his laughter dies down. "So, what exactly made Happy Harbor, 'nostalgic,'?"

"Oh, well," I stand up straight after grabbing the bill and stuffing it in my coat pocket, "turns out, Happy Harborians are just as cheap as Star City Citizens."

"How so?"

"See this?" I take out the bill again and display it to him. "This was the fruit of two hours of labor."

"Labor? Dude," chew and swallow your banana, Wally, "aren't you, like, a magician, or something?"

"Wally, focus on the game. This fruit is riding on you, pal!"

Wally nods before reverting his attention back to the game with Kaldur.

I look around at my teammates dressed in their hero attire and chose to change the subject from there.

"I see that I've come a tad bit underdressed. What's with the formal wear?"

"Oh, Black Canary's finally going to give us our first combat training session! Exciting, right?"

"Rigorous physical stress? I'm ecstatic."

A beep rings out from the table as Wally achieves victory.

"I expect payment within the week, Boy Wonder."

"Recognized," We all turn to see Supey himself emerge from the zeta-beam, "Superboy, bee zero four."

 _Ooooh,_ he looks moody.

"Hi, Superboy!" Supey walks through the holo-table, causing it to disappear, and past M'gann, "How was Metropolis?"

Oh, yeah, he's moody.

Did I just hear an effeminate clearing of the throat?

"Ready for training, everyone?"

And in enters our host Black Canary, accompanied by unexpected guest star Martian Manhunter.

"Black Canary! Uncle J'onn!"

M'gann walks over and embraces her uncle.

 _Awww,_ familial bonding.

I can already feel the bile of resentment building up in my esophagus.

 _But!_ For the sake of not ruining the moment, I'll bottle it up inside.

That's healthy, right?

"M'gann," Manhunter warmly places his hand on M'gann's shoulder, "I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd see how you were adjusting."

"A few bumps, but I'm learning."

"That's… All I can ask."

I follow Black Canary's stare and land on Supey's retreating figure.

"Stick around," Supey stops, his arms crossed. "Class is in session."

She walks to the center of the training floor, the ground lighting up under her.

"I consider it an honor," she turns to face us, "to be your teacher. I'll throw a lot at you. Everything I've learned from my own mentors," as she takes her jacket off she grunts in pain, grasping the bandage applied to her left bicep, "and my own bruises."

"What happened?"

"The job," blunt as a bat, this one. "Now, combat is about _controlling_ conflict, putting the battle on your terms. You should always be acting, never _re_ acting. I'll need a sparring partner."

"Right here," Wally has his hand raised, "yeah!"

Wally finally finishes his banana as he approaches Canary.

"After this," he tosses the peel aside, "swish, I'll show you _my_ _moves._ "

Oh, good God, man.

"She's not that type of teacher, Wally!"

He brushes me off with a wave of his hand.

My sympathy is now lost for you, my friend.

I see Canary smirk before suddenly thrusting her fist forward. Wally manages to block it quite easily, but Canary sweeps his feet out from under him before he can even react.

The floor beeps with the words, 'Kid Flash Status: Fail,' appearing next to him.

"Ohh. Hurts so good."

"Good block," Canary helps him to his feet. "But did anyone see what he did wrong?"

"Ooh, ooh! He hit on teacher and got served?"

"Dude!"

"He allowed me to dictate the terms of-"

"Oh, please," Supey, your arrogance is showing. "With my powers, the battle's _always_ on my terms. I'm a living weapon, and this is a waste of my time."

"Prove it."

Okay, this is going to be hilarious.

Supey walks up to Canary, Wally backing out of the ring. He crosses his arms as the two stare each other down before taking their respective battle stances. Supey throws a punch, but Canary side-steps and grabs _-whoa._

Judo flip across the ring.

Don't back talk Canary, got it.

I hold back my amusement by settling for simple smirk, but Robin acts otherwise, bursting out into a mocking laughter. Kaldur nudges his shoulder, subtly reminding him to have some tact, prompting Robin to muffle his enjoyment behind his hands.

Supey gets up with an angry growl.

"You're angry. Good, but don't react. Channel that anger into-"

Supey yells as he charges forward, Canary vaulting over him. As he turns to strike her she makes a callback to the Wally fight and sweeps his feet.

"That's it!" Supey gets up, pushing Canary's hand away. "I'm done!"

"Training is mandatory."

"Hey, Supey, how about we-?" and suddenly Batman's face on screen.

"Batman to the Cave," we all group up to listen to what I can only assume to be our next mission assignment. "Five hours ago, a new menace attacked Green Arrow and Black Canary," the screen displa-hey, another roided out ginger. And this one's also an elf, apparently. "The attacker was capable of studying, then duplicating, the powers and abilities of its opponents," U-Uh, okay, wait, hold up, that thing's throwing Superman around like a ragdoll, how would we not die? "Arrow called in reinforcements, which nearly proved disastrous as our fore gained more and more power with each new combatant."

"Whoa. One guy with the powers of the entire League?"

"In the end, it took _eight_ leaguers _four_ hours to defeat and dismantle the android."

Oh, thank God, it's already dead.

"An android? W-Who made it, T.O. Morrow?"

"I read about him. Evil scientist mastermind type, has beef with Red Tornado?"

"Good guess. But Red Tornado doesn't think so."

"The technology bears the signature of Professor Ivo."

"Read about him, too. Same schtick as Morrow, but apparently was _super_ tacky about it. Also, he's supposed to be dead?"

"So we all thought. Or _hoped._ "

"To make certain this threat is permanently neutralized, we're sending two trucks carrying the Android's parts to two separate STAR Lab facilities in Boston," a map appears, showing us the intended delivery points, "and New York for immediate evaluation. _Every_ precaution is being taken. We'll have four additional decoy trucks to create confusion in case Ivo or anyone tries to recover the remains. _You_ will split into undercover teams to safeguard the two real trucks."

"Yes! Road trip."

"So now we take out your trash?"

Jesus, this guy needs something to punch.

"You had something _better_ to do?"

A beep resounds from Kaldur's communications device.

"Coordinates received. On our way."

Our Team breaks as we all run off to prepare.

Okay, Thazi. Second mission.

Time to get in there, show off your moves, and make this the best mission of all time!

 **Litchfield County**

 **August 3, 20:08 EDT**

"This is officially the worst mission of all time."

"Dude, don't tell me you're still hung up over-"

"Oh, I'm _going_ to tell you, Wally."

"At least you got to keep the creepy mask."

" **Irrelevant!** My heroic identity is incomplete without it!"

"Dude, we're undercover."

"Wally, Thazi," we both glance behind ourselves to acknowledge Kaldur. "What are you both discussing, exactly?"

"My **_cape!_** I couldn't **_wear it!_** "

He seems briefly taken aback by my answer.

"Of course not. We're undercover."

"That's what _I'm_ saying!"

I groan in exhasperation.

"Yeah, I get it, but… Man, I just _really_ love that cape!"

"Oh, I never guessed."

Our conversation is cut abruptly short as we see the first truck pass by.

Shit, helmet on.

Well, if it's any consolation, they _did_ provide me with this kickass white bike with black highlights. Helmet and cyclist outfit matches, too!

We each rev our engines as we maneuver onto the road. Kaldur, M'gann, and Wally cut left, while I follow Supey and Robin down right.

As we drive past a cornfield, Robin pulls up next to Supey.

"If _dislike_ is the opposite of _like_ , is _disaster_ the opposite of _aster?_ See, instead of things going wrong, they go right."

… What the fuck is he talking about?

Uh oh, Supey's still a bit miffed.

Understatement. He actually looks kinda messed up right now. Should probably talk with him.

"Uh, _clearly_ you're not feeling the aster. What's wrong?"

" **Canary.** And what business does _she_ have teaching combat skills to a guy with super strength?"

I pull up at his other side to introduce myself into the conversation.

"The same business she has teaching someone with super speed, or telekinesis, or," I snap my fingers and a card appears in my grip, "magic. Canary's been around the block a few times, and Lord only knows how many times she's had to take down stronger guys. It's a bit more complex than, 'who's stronger than whom,'."

Supey's nostrils flare before he revs his engine, swerving ahead of us.

"Well, at least we tried."

"You're giving up getting through to him, Robin?"

"No, it's just that I doubt anything we say will actually..." he looks over to the side, into the cornfields. "Rustling, in the fields."

Oh, fuck.

I look over and see distinct movem ** _-flying gremlin beasts._**

No, wait, there's just robots **-how** **does that make it better?!**

I watch over a dozen of those metal fuckers latch themselves onto our truck.

This is going to be our whole day, isn't it?

"Robin, Superboy, Royal, our truck is under attack!"

"Kinda figured."

Robin and I speed up and meet Supey closer to the truck.

"I **hate** monkeys."

Really? Of all things, monkeys?

"Robot monkeys! Ha ha! _Totally_ Ivo's tweaked style."

Robin activates his bike's battle mode, the latter half of the vehicle detaching and forming an airborne drone unit.

"Hey, hey. Switch your rides to battle mode!"

"No point."

Supey leaps off of the bik _-shit move._

I jump off my bike as it crashes into Supey's – prick - and form a card under my feet, flying forward to keep up with the truck.

"Or not!"

Robin ditches his own bike and uses a grappling line to pull himself to the truck's rear.

I turn to see several other monkeys flying behind us.

I snap my fingers to form two packets in each hand, throwing card after card at them.

One down, two, three, _five,_ six, _nine,_ ten, eleve-holy fuck there's a lot of them.

And two managed to take down Robin's poor drone.

May we all take a moment of silence to honor its memory.

Moment over. Back to cyber-ape murder.

I hear Supey cry out and turn to see him clutching his eyes in pain.

Four of the monkeys grab onto him before flying off into the sky, Supey in tow.

"Hey, get your own Kyptonian!"

I throw a card and one of the robots gripping his shoulders falls, decapitated, but the other three fly him up until dropping him back down to Earth.

I fly closer to his body before forming a card under him, allowing him to land and keep up with the truck.

Oh shit, is he blind?

"Superboy, are you-?" he jumps off of my card and onto the truck – with a scream, because of course he screamed - . He swats monkey after monkey off of hi ** _-shit!_**

 ** _Fuckfuckshit monkeys on my fucking back!_**

 ** _Laughing in my fucking ear!_**

 ** _Shove a card in its fucking monkey eye!_**

And it's off. Holy **fuck** that was annoying!

Oh shit, they're aiming for the _-fuck,_ tire's out.

I swerve towards the driver's side window, the driver taking notice of me.

"Get out, and hop on!"

The driver wastes no time unbuckling himself, thrusting his door open and jumping onto my card.

I conjure a second card and fly up to meet Robin, who's struggling to keep his balance on the swerving truck.

"Jump!"

He hears my voice and notices and vacant card, jumping on just in time to escape being caught up in the truck's crash.

The truck violently flips on its side, the friction forcing it to flip again and again before finally stopping after it is completely upturned.

Okay, not going to lie, my inner twelve-year old thought that that look awesome.

I lower my card just enough for the driver to hop **-Jesus** explosion.

The truck's cargo door was just blown out.

 _Oh, those little monkey shits!_

I fly off as quickly as my card can carry me, throwing card after card at the robots as they made off with the container carrying the android parts.

Hey, what's that one ** _-fuuuck!_**

" ** _Ack-fuck!_** "

 ** _Shoulderfuckhitmyshoulderfuck!_**

 ** _Fuckshitshoulderburnsfuckfallingshitcan'tfocuscan'tmakecardfuck!_**

 ** _Fuckfucksomeone'scarryingmefuckwhywho'sthat?!_**

 ** _FuckshitI'monthegroundfuckcan'tfeelmyshoulderfuck!_**

"Superboy!"

 ** _FucksomeonejustjumpedfuckshitSupey'sgonefuck!_**

 ** _FuckfuckshitRobinfuckkneelingnexttomefuck!_**

"Royal! Calm down, let me-"

" ** _Fucking help!_** "

"Yeah, I am, just hold sti-"

" ** _Just help!_** "

"Aqualad to Robin and-"

 ** _FuckfuckvoiceinmyearfuckKaldur'svoicefuck!_**

"Royal, what's going o-?"

" ** _It fucking hurts make it stop!_** "

"Royal was hit by one of those monkey robot's lasers! Got his shoulder, and it's not looking good, but I think I can help him after-"

" ** _Do anything just help!_** "

"I am, I am!"

 ** _FuckfuckshitfuckpainfuckstillhurtswhyfuckfuckRobin'shelpinghowfuck fuckshit fuck fuck fuck_** _fuck fuck shit_ shit shit… Shit… Fuck… sleep…

 **Gotham Academy**

 **August 3, 21:18 EDT**

Toilets cleaned.

Classrooms mopped.

Hallways mopped.

Windows sprayed.

Trash bins emptied.

It isn't nine-thirty yet.

Anything else to clean?

I hear a crash. I run around the corner.

Kid in a Superman shirt was thrown into the trophy case.

I just dusted that case.

Big red-head in green pants walks up. Robot from TV this morning.

It's a fight.

Don't get involved, Hank. You can't do that anymore.

Big guy picks the kid up. He spins his body around for momentum and tosses the kid into lockers down the hall.

I just sweeped those floors.

Kid gets up. He looks angry. He punches one of the locker doors. Leaves a dent.

He's a meta. He can handle himself.

Kid's punched through the wall. Robot flies after him.

 _Don't engage, Hank._

I run up to the hole.

"Access: Captain Atom."

Robot blasts the kid through the floor. They're in the gym now.

I just mopped that gym.

 _Stop engaging, Hank._

Just want to inspect damages. I'm a janitor. I clean messes.

I run down the stairs. I stop at the door. I reach for the handle.

 _Don't. Engage. Hank._

He's going to be hurt.

 _You were given a chance._

He might die.

 _He's a meta. He'll be fine._

He might not be.

 _You can't risk it._

I was a hero.

 _Not anymore._

I can help.

 ** _Stop. For Dawn._**

…

Dawn would do it, though.

I open the door. There are three kids now.

Two are Kid Flash and Robin. They might be okay, but the robot's strong.

Someone's on the bleachers. Green robot things next to him.

Old guy. Red hair. Sweater.

 _Professor Ivo._

Robots are his, probably.

I walk around the sidelines and start climbing the bleachers. Robot's fighting the kids, hasn't seen me yet.

Ivo sees me.

"Um, excuse me? Would you please be off? I'm trying to enjoy the show here."

I keep walking.

He sighs, shaking his head.

"Fine. Have it your way. Monkeys," get ready, "escort him out."

The two robots fly at me.

They're laughing. It's loud.

 _It's_ _ **annoying.**_

Swat one away, destroyed. Ivo's surprised. Grab other one's head, crush it in my hand.

Drop it, go for Ivo.

He's scared.

"G-Get away from me!"

He's scrambling away. Grab his collar, lift him up.

"Call it off."

"A-Amazo, protect your master! Priority Alpha!"

Look to my right.

"Access: Captain Atom."

Robot's hand glows yellow.

Need to move.

All o ** _r nothing._** "

"Hawk."

Trans ** _fo_** rma ** _tion beg_** i ** _ns._**

 ** _Do_** dge t ** _h_** e **_bea_** m. **_Enh_** a ** _nc_** ed **_s_** p ** _eed._**

Ge ** _ttin_** g an ** _gry. Ca_** l ** _m dow_** n.

 ** _Dawn_** isn ** _'t here. Sh_** e ca ** _n't he_** l ** _p_**. ** _S_** h ** _ouldn't_** ha ** _v_** e tr ** _ansf_** or ** _med._**

Reme ** _mbe_** r. C ** _al_** m. S ** _er_** ene. I ** _t's_** **_wha_** t **_Daw_** n **_al_** wa ** _ys d_** oe ** _s._**

Re ** _memb_** e ** _r_** **_w_** ha ** _t_** Dawn **_a_** lw ** _ay_** s **_say_** s ** _._**

 ** _Rem_** e ** _mb_** er **_w_** hy **_yo_** u' ** _re_** h ** _ere_**.

 ** _Be_** a **_her_** o a ** _ga_** in.

Do it for Dawn.

Drop Ivo.

Suit feels good. Tighter than I remember.

Kids look surprised. Ivo, too. Understandable. Long time since Hawk's been out.

"Access:" move Ivo, "Superman."

Amazo stomps. Shockwave's strong. Keep your footing.

Stop. Throw Ivo. Amazo turns to Ivo.

Charge Amazo. Punch it. Fist connects with stomach.

 ** _N_** o ef ** _fec_** t. N ** _ot s_** tro ** _ng e_** n ** _o_** u ** _gh._**

 ** _Ca_** lm d ** _o_** wn. Try again.

"Access: Martian Manhunter."

 ** _Fis_** t we ** _n_** t **_thro_** ug ** _h it._**

"Access: Black Canary."

 ** _Loud._**

 ** _Screaming. Loud. Everything is loud._**

"Martian," **_scr_** ea ** _mi_** ng sto ** _pped_**. Good, "Manhunter." Robin threw something. Passed through Amazo.

Unknown kid jumps in front of Amazo.

"Super-," kid puts his fist through Amazo's head, "-man."

Kid's fist is in Amazo's head.

Head exploded. Amazo fell backwards.

"Help me disassemble him," Robin runs to Amazo, " **now!** "

"Dude, the guy has no head."

True. Better-

"Don't take any chances!"

That, yes.

Three new kids. One's Aqualad. Other's I don't know. Both're floating, one looks unconscious.

"Royal?!" Robin runs to Royal. "Why'd you bring him here?!"

"We followed your Gee Pee Es and found him, _alone, in the_ _ **road.**_ What'd you do to him?"

Royal's placed on ground. Green girl's moving it. Martian, probably.

" _Isat Roobin? Wima kick im in the head!"_

"Dude, did you drug him?"

"It's an anesthetic. Batman and I use them if someone suffers an agonizing amount of physical stress due to serious injury. It's meant to quell pain, and if the patient is violent… Well."

" _Youze_ _ **drug**_ _may?! Ya canna do tha ta mi!"_

"Guess it's pretty strong."

Martian girl flies to unknown kid.

"Superboy," should've guessed. Emblem's on his shirt, "are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Feeling the aster."

Aster's are flowers. Can't feel flowers. Slang term?

"Hey!" Kid Flash, "Where's Ivo?"

Look around. No Ivo.

Got away.

"He must have fled."

Robin stands. Approaches me.

"Now that _that's_ over with," think he glares. Hard to tell, domino mask, "who are _you?_ Not that we don't appreciate the assist."

Aqualad looks at me. He realizes something. Recognizes me?

"Are… You-?"

He stops. Suit's going away. Sensing no danger, no need for the suit. Back in my custodian clothes.

They're staring. Should say something.

"I'm Hank."

"Whoa…"

"You are _Hawk!_ "

No. Not Hawk. Not now.

"I'm just Hank."

Look around.

Bleachers crushed.

Court smashed.

Window shattered.

"I just cleaned this gym."

 **Mount Justice**

 **August 4, 13:03**

 _Ow._

 _Sore. Everything is sore._

What even…

What happened?

"Thazi!"

Robin?

"Robin… What… Where…"

"You're in the Cave's medical center," Kaldur's here, too. "Wally, go get Doctor McNider."

"On it, chief."

I _hear_ him leave the room. Still can't see too well.

"Something with my shoulder? My hints included the bandage wrapping and horrible soreness."

"Yeah… You, uh, got hit by one of those monkey's lasers. Burned you pretty bad."

Fuck. Right.

 ** _That shit._**

"Right. I remember now. That _really_ hurt."

"Huh. No kidding? Your screaming and swearing never hinted at that."

Oh, crap. I _did_ curse a lot when that happened, didn't I? Jesus.

"Sorry. I wasn't thinking… Obviously."

"It is fine, Thazi," Kaldur places his hand on my _left_ shoulder. "You must have been in terrible shock. Those lasers even managed to injure Superboy, if only temporarily. You're lucky you-"

"Didn't lose it?" blond guy in a lab co-wait, no, he must be the doctor. What's with the green sunglasses? "You can thank _me_ and twenty-first century technology for that."

"Well, thanks are in order, I suppose. McNider, right?"

" _Doctor_ McNider. And you're welcome."

He stops to work on a monitor close by. I can't see what he's doing, but I've nailed it down to either checking my vitals or playing Tetris.

M'gann, Supey, and Wally enter soon after him. M'gann and Supey beam at the sight of me, Wally still maintaining the content smile he donned upon my awakening.

"Thazi!" M'gaan flies over to me, throwing he ** _-shit._**

"M'gann, shoulder, _shoulder!_ "

She immediately releases me and steps back, embarrassed expression on her face.

"R-Right, sorry!"

" **It's,** " deep breathes, you're fine, you're fine, "it's _fine._ Just be careful, and you can try again. Anytime."

Tried to throw in some playful flirtation in there. Sounded awkward, due to voice straining under pain.

Smooth.

"You okay?"

Supey… Is showing _concern?_

"Aw, you _do_ care."

"Well, yeah. I _did_ catch you after you were hit."

Oh.

 ** _Ohhhhh fuck._**

"O-Oh. Sorry for the sarcasm, then. Guess I owe _two_ people my life, now."

"Make that three," Robin confidently leans against the wall. " _I_ treated your wounds in the field, preventing infection and possibility of worsened injury, _and_ set the Gee Pee Es to mark you for pick-up!"

" _After_ you ditched him in the middle of the road."

 ** _Waitwhat._**

"He did what now?"

"Yeah! After he used anesthesia to knock you out cold, he just left you there for Megan and Kaldur to pick up."

I glare at Robin.

"Ah, ahaha… Yeah, uh… Sorry?"

"You'd better have received a spanking or something from Batman after that."

"Ohhh, yeah, he did! It was _brutal!_ ' **Never** abandon an injured teamma'-"

"I got it the _first time,_ _ **Wally!**_ "

Kaldur walks back up to me.

"After we picked up your signal, M'gann and I made haste to your position. However, earlier, Robin gave us the coordinates to Amazo, the android's, location. M'gann decided to levitate you along with us, as to not leave you alone, but this hindered our progress to the point that we only arrived _after_ Amazo had fallen."

… Shit, I was out for a while.

"Wow. That's… Quite the tale. And I missed every second of it?"

"Well," Wally walks up to my other side, " _technically_ you were conscious. Problem was, the drugs were screwing with your head. You spoke gibberish and looked half-asleep."

"Geez. Guess I'm glad I don't remember _that_ part."

Doctor McNider approaches the foot of my bed.

"Alright, Mister Sterling, bad news first," shit. Forgot, hospitals are places of tragedies _and_ miracles. "You'll be out of commission for about four days, six max. That means no combat training," fuck, "no cardistry," double fuck, "and above all, no field work. Get it?"

"Got it."

"Now, _better_ news: your arm won't need to be amputated."

… What?

"Um… Doctor, you already mentioned that?"

"Yeah, I did. You got shot in the arm, kid; ain't no _good_ news coming out of that."

"… Oh. Makes sense, I guess."

He takes a deep breath through his nose.

"Welp," he claps his hands together, "I'll let you crazy kids get back to it. Call me if you need your arm cut off."

He casually walks out the door as if what he just said _didn't_ sound fucking crazy.

Robin turns to me.

"You get used to it. He even acts like that with Batman, so no hopes of convincing him to drop it."

"Who even is he?"

"Technically," I turn to acknowledge Kaldur, "he's a member of the Justice League, but he gave up his heroic identity some years ago. However, he still wished to help, so he became a covert asset of the League's."

"The League's personal surgeon. Cool, huh?"

"Yeah, I suppose that that is pretty cool."

I decide to learn more details about the parts of the mission I missed.

"So, anything else about the mission worth discus-?"

" **Oh, yeah!** " rude, but okay. "I _totally_ forgot to mention it! See, we found out Amazo's parts were being taken to this cargo train just outside Gotham. Once Superboy got there, Amazo had already been built, and they fought _all the way_ to Gotham Academy! They fought themselves into the gym, when this guy came out of _nowhere!_ "

"W-Well, who was it?!"

"It was this one hero named-"

 **Gotham City**

 **August 4, 15:05 EDT**

"Hank. You were given a chance."

I nod. He's right. I blew it.

Batman's in my apartment, talking about the school last night.

"You should consider yourself _very_ lucky that there were no eyewitnesses."

I nod. Again, he's right.

"If this happens again, witness or no, I will _personally_ have you thrown back into Belle Reve. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yeah."

He pauses, then sighs.

"I am glad that you're trying to control yourself. Even with her not being here."

Didn't say Dawn's name. Good, would've made me mad.

He turns to my door. About to leave.

"Wait," he stops, doesn't face me. "Have any leads?"

Silence.

"I'm sorry, Hank," he turns to me. "We're investigating everywhere, everything, and everyone we can. But we will find her. I promise."

I nod.

He leaves, closes door behind him.

I clench my fist.

 ** _I want Dawn back._**


End file.
